Trying to Live


It’s a wet and chilly January morning after a very warm winter here in our part of Texas. The sky is grey but I know it will only last a day or so before the sun comes back out and it warms up again. All it takes is a little patience and a positive attitude and once again the sun will shine through my studio window and the sky will once again be blue.

It truly is tough trying to live life after mesh complications, because for many of us, it is impossible to fix our broken bodies. I hear this from women I have known for a long time because they feel the same way. How do you get through it? It is not easy, but finding something to keep your mind busy is the key to being happier and living life each day.

I received a phone call from a woman I have known for a long time and she asked me when did I decide no more surgeries for me. It was an easy answer. I had three surgeries in nine months in 2012 and 2013 and had struggled through a serious infection and a lot of pain. I was feeling so down and wondered how much longer I would live. I know this has happened to all the women who have endured many surgeries because of a mesh implant and it is a daily struggle to stay positive about your life.

The answer I gave her was exactly what I just wrote here, but reality is much harder. We get through this alone, even when we are surrounded by family who love us. They may see what is going on but most of us prefer to say little about it, because we don’t want to bring their lives down too. Like another woman just told me yesterday, she has given up saying anything and just tries to live. She has just come back out of hospital after another serious infection.

Life is complicated for many of us but we keep trying to live. There is no compensation for the damage we have endured which is a lifetime of pain and struggle. Some get through it all by faith, while others go to their beds and stay there. It is a sad situation that we each must battle alone and make decisions on how we live each day. Do we give in and say nothing about it or do we go public and tell what this has done to our lives?

I made the decision to go public six and a half years ago because of what an implant did to me. It is not just a battle to get the mesh removed, but the battle continues because of what it does to our tissues and organs. Our reproductive systems are torn apart and our digestive systems are forever out of whack, causing many health issues. When you can’t remove the waste properly from your body, either through the bladder or colon, you are in big trouble. And that is what happens to so many of us after a mesh implant goes wrong and there is no fixing it.

The lines of women waiting to have their implant(s) removed is long. They don’t do it because they don’t need to. They are dying slowly while the implant is in their bodies and the suffering from pain is so bad, you just want it out. We don’t have a choice in the matter and we hope once it is out, we get to live again. But no one lives a normal life after an implant goes bad, because of the damage done to their bodies. I can tell you I am so glad I got mine out because I was struggling to get through each day and the nights were bad when I could not sleep because of pain. I could not wear underwear because I could not stand anything touching my groin or thigh. If it was possible, I would have ripped it out myself to try to relieve it, but it wasn’t.

You cannot see the inner scars that are caused by mesh implants. You can look at a woman and think she is okay and normal. But she is far from normal. An implant takes its toll on our bodies and the daily mental anguish is hell. Everyone around us goes on with their lives as normal, but the act of trying to urinate or have a bowel movement for many women, is excruciating, painful and slow. We spent hours in the bathroom and yet we aren’t putting on make-up and getting ready to smile at the world. The very thought of make-up and going out is foreign after an implant gone wrong. We just want to survive to live another day.

I thought that removing the implant would be the most painful of any surgery, but it turns out trying to fix damaged bladders, colons and organs is far more painful that you can possibly imagine. Hollywood has recreated the pain of childbirth, but no one has recreated the pain of mesh complications. No one understands the tremendous pain after a surgeon has tried to put back a messy internal system, ransacked by mesh. The world doesn’t see it and the outer scars are covered. But the inner scars are huge and the battle to continue to live a happy life is often paved with more problems created by these surgeries.

Regardless of our daily struggles we are not even rewarded by changes from our governments to stop the carnage. These surgeries continue every day and a new market is created for doctors and hospitals trying to deal with the fallout. But no one is dealing with the truth, nor the endless health issues created for our generations and the new generations affected by these implants. The doors stay closed and the carnage grows.

I try to close the doors on the outside world and I work hard to be as happy as possible living my own life. But I know what this is doing to women and it still makes me angry. I know that every day when many of us get up in the morning we will struggle behind our doors with bodily functions and leg pain. And the doctors either do not care or finally admit they can’t do any more to help us. So, we struggle on to live our lives the best way we can.

I refuse to give in and let the world pretend this isn’t happening. I refuse to hide away and say nothing. This is WRONG…… However, I also get up each day and try to find something that makes me happy and helps me continue to live. I am alive and I am injured by an implant from Hell and I won’t roll up and die to please the bastards who continue to manufacture more of these and other implants.

Google is full of the complications from all implants, but when you walk into a doctor’s office, they will ignore them or lie to your face. They do this because it means big business not just at the time, but for the rest of your life because of complications. Read the following.

“Over the past eight years, there has been an uptick in patent litigation in the United States. Between 2008 and 2015, the annual number of new patent cases for all technology classes dramatically increased from 2,644 filings in 2008 to 5,804 filings in 2015. Medical device patent litigation has followed the same general trend.

Between 2008 and 2015, the annual number of new medical device patent cases increased from 177 to 303 filings. Annual filings for 2016 are projected to increase to 325 total.”

So now you know. People don’t matter, money does. People are expendable so long as the manufacturers coffers are full. Sad but it is what it is and it will continue.

All we can do is speak out and try to save one woman’s life.


  1. Ellen

    So true,You are so awesome not only do you care about the women,You are such good honest women.So nice that you can share all this good info.Happy New Year to all

    1. Linda (Post author)

      Thanks Ellen.

  2. Heather Prushing

    You don’t have any idea how much it means to find this site!! I had a TVT (I-stop by CL Medical) implanted in March 2013. I had an infection within a week. I had a Lupus flare within a month. I was put on Prenisone for the Lupus flare andaazingky my bladder pain went away! They led the me on Prednisone until May 2016. I had gained 100 pounds and wasn’t miserable. I took myself off of Prednisone in May, and my the end of the month I had my first of many UTI’s. I have been prescribed close to 30 antibiotics since then, been hospitalized 4 times for pyelonephritis. Even been sent home with IV antibiotics. 7 urologists, 6 cystoscopies and many tears later, I still have no relief. They refuse to make the connection between the sling and my infections/pain.

    1. Linda (Post author)

      Heather do whatever you can to get out to UCLA. Read this.

  3. Paula


    I have a bladder sling and vaginal mesh. It was done over ten years ago, and now I am having unbelievable issues. Do you know of any publications from doctors or other reliable sources, on the material that sling\mesh are made out of, now are causing autoimmune disorders, and\or degrading mesh getting into the blood stream, and causing allergic reaction to it. Thank you so much.


    1. Linda (Post author)

      Paula this is more common than you think after many years and I do not know any publications. However auto immune prob;ems are very, very common and you need to get it removed. Your best bet is UCLA.

  4. davon

    ladies, get to ucla urology. 310-794-7700


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