Say Thank You

I hate to tell grown women how to act when it comes to other injured women helping you in your time of need, but I decided it was time to write about this because I have helped hundreds of women and at times it has backfired on me and I wonder why I still do it. Today however I am not talking about me. I am talking about if you are going out to UCLA for surgery and another mesh woman who lives in California is very generous, picks you up at the airport, takes you to a hotel and tries to help you in any way, the very LEAST you can do is thank her for her generosity.

I too have been helped by others when I went out there and I was always truly grateful and told them how I felt. The last time I went out for surgery in 2013, I went alone because my daughter ripped out my bathroom and began remodeling while I was away to help me with my disabilities. It could not be done while I was at home because she had tile everywhere and that was dangerous for me and I needed a fully working bathroom without obstacles. I knew other women who were out there at the same time and an injured woman’s husband came to pick me up from the hospital after I was released from surgery and took me back to the hotel where other women helped me through my difficult time. I was very grateful to all of them and I let them know how I felt. For me it made the whole experience so much better and I wrote blogs about the things other people did for me.

Travelling for surgery is hard and there’s no doubt about the affect it has on our bodies. But even when we are in pain, we should remember that we don’t know what will happen when we are far from home and often have to rely on the kindness of strangers to help us through. In fact I found that complete strangers worried about me while I was staying at the Tiverton and asked to help in any way they could. I try hard to be kind and always pleasant to others and I am always very friendly. That may be why others want to help me when they see I have a walking stick and know I am disabled. But kindness goes both ways and we should all remember that.

I was raised in an era of good manners and as a child I was taught the value of please and thank you and if we didn’t say either, then we received nothing and was told why we were not getting it. I have always been the type of person who remembers to say please when I ask for something and thank you when I receive it. I was also made very aware when I was young that the generosity of others should not be misused or expected. So when my daughter was small and another mother asked if she could go somewhere with her children, I sent her with money to buy her own food and any entrance fees. Before she left I told her repeatedly that the money was NOT to be used to buy trinkets for herself, it should only be used for her to pay her own way. I also held her to account for the money after she got home and spoke to the parents about it, telling them I expected her to pay her own way and they should let her. To me this was teaching her full responsibility and accountable for her actions. I also praised her when she did as I asked and that made her feel good.

Now you may think I was a horrible mother to do this but I was trying to teach my daughter the lessons in life that I expected her to continue on with as an adult. I never liked people who took me for granted and expected to use me and I still don’t. Everyone no matter if you think they have more money than you, is not responsible for your bills and you should NOT expect it. If they do pay for anything including the gas to pick you up and drive you anywhere, please offer to pay them back. If they decline the offer, do not think they should pay for other things or ask for more. Be very, very grateful for their kindness and say THANK YOU.

This is not aimed at anyone in particular but there was an incident a while back where a woman came in from overseas and she had raised a lot of money from generous women. However it was not enough in her eyes and a woman who picked her up and took her everywhere was treated badly and she never heard the words thank you. I am appalled by this. Just remember you never know when you will need the kindness of strangers and you should not expect anything from other women. If they do offer, use your manners and when you get back home again, try to send them something as a remembrance and appreciation. You don’t have to have a lot of money to do this and if you make things that can also be the way you let them know how much you appreciate them for their kindness.

So remember how important these two words are, THANK YOU and when you say it, they will remember you in a good way. Now thank you for reading this and for taking note of what these words mean.

Always remember. Be gracious, be grateful and say thank you and everyone will remember you in a very pleasant way.


  1. Misszebrab

    Hmmm…wonder who? I know of one lady who receive so much money and so much funding I don’t think she paid for anything and she never seemed grateful always expected so much more. Very sad!

  2. Ellen

    I have to agree with you,When someone truly goes out of there way to help another sick person I do feel that we deserve respect and should be treated with dignity.I have a lot of love to offer,And I too am sick it does make me feel good to be able to help someone.When you have a bad experience you really think twice about doing it again.I know there are Women that truly respect the Women that help them then there are others that don’t.Please understand that it is an expense for the kindness of someone to be so kind to help another.

  3. RR

    Another great article Linda! When my kids received graduation presents in High School many of their gifts were checks. They weren’t surprised though when I told them they could NOT cash a check they received as a gift UNTIL the Thank You card for it was written and IN the mail!

    My kids griped a bit but not long as they knew it was a continuation of lessons that I was trying to instill in them. They didnt understand why I asked them to do what many other parents didnt? But later they often did and even thanked me as they noticed others who didnt have the manners to thank someone.

    My Mom was very much like you, she made sure I took the money to pay my own way when someone was kind and invited me to go somewhere. I saw evidence too many times of parents failing to do one of the most important jobs they have as a parent. THAT job is to train a child so that the world is left a giver NOT another Taker!

    I taught nearly 20yrs and often tried to install that value in students who I soon learned sadly hadn’t learned that lesson at home. Thanks Linda! for reminding everyone of ALL ages of this eternal lesson we all should be taught or learn as part of becoming a mature adult.

    The world could certainly use more parents who do this. Perhaps Classes for Manners and Etiquette should again be taught in schools?

    Blessings! RR


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