Please Help Me

On most days the first thing I do when I come into my studio is turn on my computer and go to this blog to check for comments. Then I answer them with as much honestly as I am able. I can’t tell women the truth about the things I know about many doctors everywhere because this blog would be gone. So I suck it up and still try to help women as much as possible. In the end it is up to women to decide where they will go for mesh removal and how long they are willing to wait.

There is a lot of sadness for me when doing this because I cannot help women as much as I would like and some days I feel I am at the end of an automatic batting machine with many hard baseballs, hurling towards me. This is because doctors are not doing what the FDA has requested. To tell women the truth that complications could arise and they can be severe and life changing. They don’t give women pamphlets about what they will be using on them, so that they can go home and research heavily, even when asked. Why aren’t they doing this? The answer is simple. Greed! They want to keep doing it to women regardless of the consequences to women’s bodies and their future.

Then there are the desperate cries for help and here is one of them.

“Hi, I wrote my whole big story and it rejected it because it said spam bot detected. So I promise I am not a robot or spam. I just am a mesh victim. I had my surgery in 2009. Since then I had to leave my management job because I though I was sick because of the stress, went back to being a bank teller instead of manager. Became more sick, ended up going on FMLA. Left the banking industry after that ran out. I am currently in school for Cosmetology and missing at least once or twice a week. I am exhausted, nauseous, fevers, chills, severe weight gain, horrible bowel issues, urinating on myself, feels like my bladder is inside my vagina, I can no longer have sexual intercourse, I ache from head to toe and it’s a deep painful ache. I have brain fog and memory issues. My face gets the rash that looks like a butterfly. my back where my kidneys are hurts too bad to even touch when I am in the shower. Constant UTIs. cramping in my stomach and tender spots. My doc says the mesh has to come out asap, he said it is causing my system to be poisoned and thinks parts have broken off and are in my bloodstream causing me to be in a lupus state. I have no insurance and no one will remove it. I have an attorney who knows all of this and tells me to find a surgeon, I have no way to pay though and no one wants to help me even though this is not my fault and the company should pay. I feel so sad I spend most days crying, no one will listen to me and says oh you look fine maybe you need to work out or sleep better. I do not have much support from my family, most days they roll their eyes when I am sick so I have learned to fake feeling well. I am scared that I am being left to just die. Please someone talk with me.”

There are thousands of women around the country who are falling through the cracks of our system. They don’t have insurance because to buy it would mean they can’t pay for the roof over their head and often women struggle because their children don’t step up and be good parents and instead the grandparents are caring for the children. There are so many variables to women’s lives but I can tell women this. If you don’t care for yourself first, then whoever else is relying on you, won’t have help either.

In the past I have written blogs about bad loan companies. I am sorry to say that being mesh injured allows us become targets for anyone and everyone who wants to make a buck. When you borrow from a loan company there is no guarantee they won’t wind up with the rest of your money after you only had one surgery and you get your settlement. Choose the wrong doctor and you may wind up in a bigger mess than you were before you had any surgery for removal. Even when you choose a good doctor mesh can destroy your tissues and you may need other surgeries. So before you borrow money from these bad people, or get steered to them by those who will make money from doing it, you need to ask for help from anyone who will listen.

Asking for help means you have to be honest. I don’t mean spending all your time babbling about how much you are hurting and how messed up your life is. Most people will tune out within ten minutes when you do this. So you need to be honest about what is happening to you and many women around the world. You can share this blog to help them understand and if they are willing they can read the thousands of comments left here by others just like you.

I understand what it is like to talk to others about this kind of personal situation. Saying the word vagina is truly difficult at first. But it can help your case when you ask others to help you with fund raising. Don’t use words like Vajajay or other slang derogatory terms. If you don’t know what is considered slang you can read here

Don’t call yourself a meshie or other term that that makes you sound a little crazy. You don’t need to label yourself to get help. We are all adult women and to get others to take this seriously we have to use correct and non-derogatory words if we want others to listen and not take this situation as a joke.

I know women who are older like me and they turned to their church for help. Some are very poor with sick husbands who have always donated a small amount of their tiny income to their church. It was not easy for them to speak about their personal parts of their body, but they did to a woman in their church who they knew would help them. Even if it is only to get you to UCLA for a consult with Dr. Raz, it will put your mind at ease and you can then say out loud “I am not crazy” and perhaps your family will at last believe you.

I am truly sorry I don’t have a way to help women with funding. Earlier when writing this blog I had many ideals. I was sure I could find a celebrity who would help. I was sure that talk shows would listen. I was even sure our Presidents wife would listen. I am a milliner which means I design and make hats and I even sent celebrities hats to get some kind of response. No comeback and I felt deflated.

Because I was so naive for a long time, I was a prime target for those who would also exploit us for gain. My empathy for those who I believed were mesh injured or trying to help those who are mesh injured made me vulnerable. I was contacted by Jane Akre of Mesh Medical News Desk and for some time I believed she wanted to help us. Long story short she was out to get donations for her own lifestyle. Then Aaron Horton who calls herself the Mesh Warrior showed up on my doorstep. She had a sad story about her mesh injured mother and although her mother is mesh injured, I fell for it hook, line and sinker. But I did not know she too had set herself up so that she could make a living from us. You can put their names in the search engine of this blog if you want to know more. You can also Google www.Stopmesh.com and learn the complete truth of who they are.

Sadly even a tiny percentage of mesh injured women are using this as a platform to get what they need. Some take kickbacks when you take a loan from a loan shark. Others just want to be known as leaders, for whatever reason they have that their own lives are not giving them enough of a platform. But within a year or two all this will go away and their platform gone. This is because these cases will all be settled and will be made to disappear. All I can tell you is that I don’t want you to follow me. I don’t want you to view me as a hero. All I want is you find a way to get help and have a better future with less pain.

Now I have realized the very thing that I was taught as a child. My mother would always say “The lord helps those who help themselves”. As hard as it is, I have learned that lesson well. The old adage “ask and you shall receive” is no longer something you should rely on. Most people who surround you are all about themselves and you are not their problem. Instead of relying on those close to you, open up a wider audience by expressing to others what is happening to you and other women. Maybe, just maybe the crack of the door will widen and before long will completely open. How do you know what can change for you if you don’t make an effort.

Before I close today I want you to think outside the box. If what you are doing doesn’t change anything then it is time to rethink. Change in our lives is always uncomfortable but it is often good for us and sometimes produces really good things and good people. Try to gain more self-esteem and don’t let those around you talk down to you and treat you like you are a nutcase. Time to fight for your future even if the fight begins with one small step.

I wish you well but the most important thing I can tell you is that who you choose to remove your mesh is the most important decision you will ever make. That is why you should read more of this blog and spend a lot of time researching on your own before you jump in the deep by going to the first local doctor available.

7 Comments

  1. T

    I want to share my story, but you know how that goes. I just wanted to say that I’m so thankful I found your blog!! I don’t think I ever would’ve known what was wrong with me let alone where to go if not for you. These doctors are such greedy LIARS!! (Got to stop before I hobble up to the soap box). I know you are not here to be a hero, but I believe you are helping so many people. I’d been reading for months before I was brave enough to comment, and I believe there are others who do the same. Thank you for all this information!! Blessings!!

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      T yes many women are afraid to comment because they think this is another site set up by lawyers. But it is not and I am just like you. I am going to be out there on Oct 20th through 23rd, but you probably won’t get there for your surgery until after that date. I am going to support a mesh injured friend from my area as her husband has health issues and flying is difficult for him. I too will be at the Tiverton. It will be my fifth trip out there, one for consult and three for my own surgeries.

      Reply
  2. T

    We will miss each other by 3 days! We are supposed to be there the 26th through the 2nd. I’m supposed to have removal and repairs at the same time. I’m just falling apart now. My new countdown calendar has begun. 160 days – less than I’ve been this way! I’m sorry to hear about your friend’s husband. We really need to be able to depend on one another in times like these, and it’s wonderful you can help her. Please pass along my well wishes to her and her husband. May she get good news and travel mercies to ya’ll!

    Reply
  3. Carolyn Chumley

    Linda do
    you know of any ladies that will be the 26 of
    October for surgery with Dr Raz??

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      I will let you know Carolyn.

      Reply
  4. Wendy

    I’ll be at Dr.Raz’s in July!

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Wendy that’s wonderful news. I know you will meet other women out there.

      Reply

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