Psychologists and Counseling

This past weekend was so upsetting to me, and I decided to write a blog about it, while not saying who the person is. I am the first to say being injured by mesh sucks. It screws up so many things in your life and you have to learn how to live with things you cannot change and make the most of every day you have on this earth.

On Saturday I received a note from another mesh injured woman who is a very sweet and kind person who has tried to mentor this woman. She was so worried because the woman had just threatened to harm herself. When she gave me the woman’s name I assured her I had heard this on several occasions and for a while I spent many hours on the photo trying to get this woman to realize that every woman has value and she was worth something to someone in her life. However it was all to no avail because this woman thinks only of herself and cares less what she does to others in the same situation.

Women meet each other through various methods. Through support groups and by word of mouth they find others who are mesh injured. That is good. However, a very few women decide that others who are injured should become their physiologists or their personal counselors. Women who live in pain from mesh want to help others like them, but it soon becomes apparent that a few women will take advantage of any kind and listening ear. I am here to remind these women that they must find a way to find some happiness in their own lives and it is not up to other injured women to provide it or become their twenty-four hour therapist.

I know so many women regardless of their pain who try to live their lives in any way possible. They have been an inspiration to me and to other injured women to find our own path in life. It can be anything including trying to work on their own issues with family members. I had a recent conversation with one young woman who told me that someone finally told her the truth. That she was always angry. It hit her like a ton of bricks and even though she still struggles with her pain and situation, she began working on how to make it up to her husband and her children. She decided that she was the only one who can change things and she is so right. I applauded her and any other woman who works on changing their lives and I cheer them on.

On the other side of the coin are those women who are what we all describe as far too needy. Yes, it’s okay to have a one person pity party at times, but YOU are the only person who can work on your attitude. No you may not be able to change what has happened to you, but you can work on how you deal with it. I call it baby steps, where I decide to listen to myself and try to pull myself up short when I complained about all my pain and woes. I don’t mean you should suck it up to those close to you, but ask yourself this. Do you want to listen constantly to someone like you? To hear everything in life is all about themselves? I think not!

When this woman told another mesh injured woman that she was going to hurt herself, she did so to get the attention and the pitying she wanted and a lot of phone time where she complained and pitied herself more. This is because she has always been this kind of person who sucks the joy out of everyone else’s life and when she finds a mesh injured woman who is taking a more positive approach to her life, she latches onto them and uses them to get what she wants. So here’s the deal!

You cannot become what anyone else is or do what they are doing with their lives. The reason the world is such a great place is because we all get to choose what we do when we decide to move forward after a bad situation. I have watched women come back to their lives and live again, even when they still deal with constant pain. I have suggested to this woman to use what she knows to volunteer or help others. I have told her to try a new hobby. It does not matter what I have said she has no use for moving forward because she is very happy wearing others down as it makes her feel better. What right does she have to do this to others? She should not do this to her own family, let alone to other mesh injured women.

The only person we each can change is ourselves. We are all responsible adults who owe it to our families and our friends to stop pitying ourselves. To stop using mesh injuries to gain pity from others including strangers. I can tell you for a fact that pity lasts only two seconds and then people want to run from you. If you read this and you think I am writing about you, then take another look at your own situation because the woman I am speaking of won’t think I am writing about her, she will know I am because I will give this blog link to her in private.

I want her to know she has no right to use other mesh injured women as her counsellors. We have to work on staying positive to get through surgeries and healing and we do not need downers in our lives. So my suggestion is get some help. In the past I have told this woman to do this but she has said therapists don’t understand. Here’s my answer to that. Being mesh injured did not remove your past and who you are as a person. You need to find out why you have such a need to be pitied and why you are so self-centered. When you are doing this to others and only thinking of yourself, then you should be ashamed because you are hurting others. Stop wearing one woman out and then moving onto another and going around in a circle to get your needs met. You have no right to do this.

Get help! There are good role models all around us who have lost legs and wind up in a wheelchair. If you don’t know one start volunteering and helping soldiers who come back from the wars. Stop thinking life is all about you and your needs. CHANGE your attitude and life can be so rewarding.

Warning; If you go to a doctor and you sit and cry over what has happened to you, their job is to write a prescription, not to listen to your woes. If you start taking any anti-depressants you had better learn more BEFORE you begin taking them as many having extreme side effects and can be hard to get off when you want to.

I have literally had it with this woman and I no longer want her in my life and I am going to tell her just that. I cannot deal with her problems anymore and neither can other mesh injured women. I have tried for a very long time to help her and so have many others. It is time she stepped up to the plate and took control of her own life. That is just what I am doing with my life.

7 Comments

  1. Soo

    I agree with you 100%. Attitude is everything! We have all had suicidal thoughts, I know I did for years until I, myself decided I’m not thinking that way anymore and became determine to find any positivity in my life. I found gratitude in the smallest things, like being able to take a shower. Being able to walk for 5mins, even with pain etc…negative self talk is a vicious cycle. Only the individual has the power to stop it and find joy in their life, no matter how insignificant it may seem at the time.

    It’s good to vent once in awhile but if it becomes a pattern then it becomes a lifestyle. Seek pattern of positivity then your life will become positive. Happiness and joy is all relative to each own, find yours…

    Reply
  2. Cherie

    Spot on!

    I say enjoy your life, cut the dead weight and be happy. Some people do not want to be happy. They are soul vampires. I have no regrets cutting people like that out of my life. I truly feel bad that their mind will not allow them to seek the help they need. I have wrote letters for some women etc only to get excuse after excuse of why they “can’t do this”.

    If the women want help they will get help. Not continue sucking the essence out of everyone else with their woe is me attitude.

    There are a few women out there pretending to help. Maybe in their minds they are helping. Chasing their own tails, getting caught up in their own drama and or trying to make themselves look superior by posting crap the ordinary person can not understand with out actually accomplishing anything and so on and so on. But you have helped women. No false claims just a genuine shoulder and advice.

    Enjoy your life. 🙂

    Reply
  3. Nancy Mikitka

    Linda, I agree with you. Only when a person wants to change will change take place in their lives…no one else can do it for you! Having had my Mother commit suicide, I know all too well the pain that comes from losing someone in that way. However, the real tragedy is the person who makes that selfish choice to end their lives has chosen to lose all that can or could be in their future. Each of us is unique; God created us that way for a purpose. Each of us can make a difference in life; if we choose to live inspite of our circumstances. My Father told me after my Mother died, “Life is for the living, so live your life!” His wise words were exactly what I needed to hear as I tried to grapple with the truth of my Mother’s selfish decision. None of us can control all that happens to us in our lives, but this one thing we can control, our attitude on how we will become in light of our circumstances. No matter what happens in life, if we make the effort to seek and see good, it is there. It comes down to what we choose to focus our attention on…ourselves, our situations, the bad or on others and the good. In my opinion, the only time to place our concentrated focus on ourselves is when we have decided to change our past behaviors that have imprisoned us. Then we need to make the necessary changes and move on with our lives. Sharing our journey (the good and the bad) with others will hopefully help them on their own journey in life. I am grateful for your sharing your life’s journey with me because it has helped me and helped me move on with my life’s journey.

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Nancy thank you for telling us your unfortunate story. Life truly is for living and your father told you something I am sure will stay with you the rest of your life. I usually remind women that someone loves them and even though their pain is bad, they cannot be replaced. But we are the only ones who can change what we do. Too much time to concentrate on our mesh does not help us. Forcing others to concentrate only backfires and we will find ourselves alone.

      Reply
  4. jemima williams

    I absolutely agree, Poppy! Unless you stay positive, your life will be forever in a spiral downward! I know that life can be really hard when you are constantly battling pain and illness, but you have to keep looking UP and giving back to all of those that need you! Distract yourself with things that catch your interest! Try new things!
    Live when you can … Rest when you must!

    Reply
  5. tammy woods

    I been searching. All over google. Every. Thing i can an found this so true no one really cares its. About yourself. So im really gong to try an live the rest of my life the may it is cause really no one gives a damn its about drugs money am get oeverit the best you can god be with us all peace im done searching. Thanks

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Tammy only you can work at living again and you deserve to live your life. Your message is a little scrambled but please get help and find out what you can do to help yourself.

      Reply

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