Psychologists and Counseling
This past weekend was so upsetting to me, and I decided to write a blog about it, while not saying who the person is. I am the first to say being injured by mesh sucks. It screws up so many things in your life and you have to learn how to live with things you cannot change and make the most of every day you have on this earth.
On Saturday I received a note from another mesh injured woman who is a very sweet and kind person who has tried to mentor this woman. She was so worried because the woman had just threatened to harm herself. When she gave me the woman’s name I assured her I had heard this on several occasions and for a while I spent many hours on the photo trying to get this woman to realize that every woman has value and she was worth something to someone in her life. However it was all to no avail because this woman thinks only of herself and cares less what she does to others in the same situation.
Women meet each other through various methods. Through support groups and by word of mouth they find others who are mesh injured. That is good. However, a very few women decide that others who are injured should become their physiologists or their personal counselors. Women who live in pain from mesh want to help others like them, but it soon becomes apparent that a few women will take advantage of any kind and listening ear. I am here to remind these women that they must find a way to find some happiness in their own lives and it is not up to other injured women to provide it or become their twenty-four hour therapist.
I know so many women regardless of their pain who try to live their lives in any way possible. They have been an inspiration to me and to other injured women to find our own path in life. It can be anything including trying to work on their own issues with family members. I had a recent conversation with one young woman who told me that someone finally told her the truth. That she was always angry. It hit her like a ton of bricks and even though she still struggles with her pain and situation, she began working on how to make it up to her husband and her children. She decided that she was the only one who can change things and she is so right. I applauded her and any other woman who works on changing their lives and I cheer them on.
On the other side of the coin are those women who are what we all describe as far too needy. Yes, it’s okay to have a one person pity party at times, but YOU are the only person who can work on your attitude. No you may not be able to change what has happened to you, but you can work on how you deal with it. I call it baby steps, where I decide to listen to myself and try to pull myself up short when I complained about all my pain and woes. I don’t mean you should suck it up to those close to you, but ask yourself this. Do you want to listen constantly to someone like you? To hear everything in life is all about themselves? I think not!
When this woman told another mesh injured woman that she was going to hurt herself, she did so to get the attention and the pitying she wanted and a lot of phone time where she complained and pitied herself more. This is because she has always been this kind of person who sucks the joy out of everyone else’s life and when she finds a mesh injured woman who is taking a more positive approach to her life, she latches onto them and uses them to get what she wants. So here’s the deal!
You cannot become what anyone else is or do what they are doing with their lives. The reason the world is such a great place is because we all get to choose what we do when we decide to move forward after a bad situation. I have watched women come back to their lives and live again, even when they still deal with constant pain. I have suggested to this woman to use what she knows to volunteer or help others. I have told her to try a new hobby. It does not matter what I have said she has no use for moving forward because she is very happy wearing others down as it makes her feel better. What right does she have to do this to others? She should not do this to her own family, let alone to other mesh injured women.
The only person we each can change is ourselves. We are all responsible adults who owe it to our families and our friends to stop pitying ourselves. To stop using mesh injuries to gain pity from others including strangers. I can tell you for a fact that pity lasts only two seconds and then people want to run from you. If you read this and you think I am writing about you, then take another look at your own situation because the woman I am speaking of won’t think I am writing about her, she will know I am because I will give this blog link to her in private.
I want her to know she has no right to use other mesh injured women as her counsellors. We have to work on staying positive to get through surgeries and healing and we do not need downers in our lives. So my suggestion is get some help. In the past I have told this woman to do this but she has said therapists don’t understand. Here’s my answer to that. Being mesh injured did not remove your past and who you are as a person. You need to find out why you have such a need to be pitied and why you are so self-centered. When you are doing this to others and only thinking of yourself, then you should be ashamed because you are hurting others. Stop wearing one woman out and then moving onto another and going around in a circle to get your needs met. You have no right to do this.
Get help! There are good role models all around us who have lost legs and wind up in a wheelchair. If you don’t know one start volunteering and helping soldiers who come back from the wars. Stop thinking life is all about you and your needs. CHANGE your attitude and life can be so rewarding.
Warning; If you go to a doctor and you sit and cry over what has happened to you, their job is to write a prescription, not to listen to your woes. If you start taking any anti-depressants you had better learn more BEFORE you begin taking them as many having extreme side effects and can be hard to get off when you want to.
I have literally had it with this woman and I no longer want her in my life and I am going to tell her just that. I cannot deal with her problems anymore and neither can other mesh injured women. I have tried for a very long time to help her and so have many others. It is time she stepped up to the plate and took control of her own life. That is just what I am doing with my life.