Two Years Post Mesh Removal

This time two years ago I was still out cold having mesh removal surgery by Dr. Raz at UCLA. I had been so afraid of having it removed as I constantly feared if I would make it through or be more permanently damaged. I had had two years and seven months to learn everything about doctors all over the country and what I learned made me realize I had to pluck up the courage, not just to have removal surgery but to fly across the country from Texas to California which is thousands of miles and then fly home again after surgery. All I can tell you is there were days it was so daunting and my fear made me want to run away from it all. However I was dealing with so much pain that I knew I had to go through with it and somehow find the strength I needed. No it is never easy.

The problem arises that women tend to blame themselves for the situation they find themselves in after mesh has been put into their bodies and the complications begin. Why do we do it? It is because we feel great guilt when everything falls apart around us and not only are we affected by it but our family members are. So we blame ourselves. We all need to stop doing this and put the blame where it belongs. With those who manufacture mesh for pelvic surgeries and those who insist it is wonderful and it is the gold standard in pelvic floor treatments INSTEAD of getting the proper training to repair women without the use of a dangerous implant that rips at our organs and tissues. Yes the very doctors who continue to use it regardless of if it is even necessary.

When I came to after mesh removable I could not believe the immediate difference in how my right leg felt. My femoral nerve had been strangled for so long by mesh and I slowly but surely leg, hip, foot pain was constant as it shrank and caused more painful symptoms and even a fall that I wound up with two cracked bones in my wrist and a cast for weeks. Some nights I barely slept and my life had become a nightmare without end. I did not know how to get the money to go out to UCLA at first as I knew it was going to cost not just for plane tickets for my daughter and me but also for hotel and expenses. In time I realized my car of ten years had to leave as I could no longer drive. I hoped that when I could drive once again I would be able to work to buy another car. That never happened as my injuries were permanent, although much less once mesh was removed from my body.

After surgery was over and I was home I began rebuilding my immune system by taking supplements and probiotics. I was diligent as I knew I would need more surgery in time as my urethra had been compromised by erosion. Like many women I had hoped in time my situation would improve because I knew many women whom it had, but I was not so lucky. Within a few months I once again found the strength to go back for two more surgeries to help me live my life again.

Along the way a serious infection caused the need for IV antibiotics and I was given Gentamycin which caused me to live a life of more complications. Although I have tried many things, the vestibular issues have never gone, nor eased up and I am always dizzy. My leg pain although much less than before removal has not gone away and I have learned to live with pain. All this has changed my Golden years to ones of home bound disability and I rely on my daughter to take me anywhere and see that I am safe from falls. However regardless of all this, I decided that to live with fear and anger only took away my life even more. So I began teaching myself to do things I loved after I tried therapy to help me have less dizziness and pain. Nothing worked. Teaching myself to do things I loved really helped me get through the days and allowed me to live again. I also continued writing this blog not just for mesh injured women to read but for those who were going to undertake prolapse or hysterectomy surgeries. I want women to know the truth of what can happen to you either immediately or years down the road after mesh has been implanted.

It’s not my place to choose for others. I cannot take away the fear or help you search for a doctor who does use mesh. I have provided links to ones I have been told about and you can see them under doctors at the top of this blog. I have shared every products on this blog that has helped me or helped other women through their difficult journey. This blog will make 297 blogs up to this time and you can read my journey. There is a wonderful search engine to help you find anything you want to know and there is a way to change languages for those who do not speak or read English well. But I cannot make you want to read or to learn. It is up to every woman how she handles her life and I would have it no other way.

During this four years and seven months since mesh implant, I have learned all the good and bad of what has happened to me. I have learned and shared how much I have been used by those who would make money from women’s mesh injury situations. I did it because none of us deserve it and we need to know the truth. We struggle every day dealing with our own complications and life around us. It is hard enough without those who wish to prosper from our injuries. Had I been aware of it all from the very beginning, I would have held some of these people at arm’s length. But I like you was vulnerable to them thinking they wanted to help get the word out about what was happening to women.

Back then I was naïve to the goings on of those who could earn money from our sad situation. However I did question Jane Akre about the lawyers who were on her site. She always brushed it off and told me she was objective. Now of course I realize she never has been. In fact her site has changed so much since I exposed who she is and you can now see what she does. Now my feelings are. Never trust her.

Aaron Horton was also another who tried to use me and her and Jane are now best buds and work together for profit. However in the past when I complained to Jane telling her my feelings about Aaron when I realized what she was all about she told me herself that she found Aaron quite annoying and basically was using her to get what she wanted. She needed someone who would go to some of the court cases and do her work and Aaron loves the limelight. This is what users do. They use each other to make more money for themselves.

It is strange how life has many twists and turns as this morning my daughter was given some proof of what Jane Akre and Aaron Horton say on a closed support group run by Aaron Horton, the so call Mesh warrior. Aaron Horton is also self-serving and wants to make money from our situations. The post Jane put up was to show a letter of thanks I sent to her when I thought she was a better person, and frankly my eyes were closed to who she really was. Thankfully they no longer are. Jane Akre had offered me miles to pay one ticket for my mesh removal surgery two years ago. I had been researching the cost of two tickets for my daughter and I trying to make the money from my old car go as far as possible. I had been concerned about going back for more surgeries and wondered how on earth we could come up with the money and therefore I was trying to stretch it as far as possible hoping to have some left for another trip out there for repairing surgery. It turned out I would go two more times.

I have never accepted money from anyone in all the time of writing this blog and finally agreed to take the miles to pay for one ticket, from Jane Akre. It weighed heavily on my mind because I was raised in a family that you had to do everything on your own and never accept help. In the end I hoped it would work out so I allowed her to get one ticket so that we had enough money for a car rental and hotel. We in fact moved hotels after removal surgery to save money, and that was really hard on me. But I knew saving money was very important so that I could have some for the next round of surgeries.

I wrote a poem for Jane Akre and a thank you letter and sent her a beautiful teapot cozy with a matching tray cover that I made myself. I let her know how much I appreciated the gesture. However after that time Jane began asking me to share her lawyer with any woman who needed one. I felt quite uncomfortable and did not do it and told her how I felt. I soon realized there was a price for her goodwill gesture and I would not throw other women under the bus because of the miles she gave me. I told her I did not do that and women have to choose who they turn to for legal help and I would not prosper from women’s injuries. She let it go but in time she mentioned it again. I ignored it or refused.

I had quite expected one day Jane Akre would show who she was and give that information to everyone and I would deal with it then. I did not expect that it would go through the secret group that Aaron Horton runs. You will notice something when you go to my daughter’s blog to read what she posted. Jane is very clever in what she states as she lets women run with it and say what she wants to say herself but won’t incriminate herself. Lawyer tactics she has learned over many years from those lawyers she sells us out for. This is what she said and the link will take you to the proof. “I thought you would all like to see a old letter I found in a file…..Interesting no?” Had I known there was a price on this gesture, believe me I would never have accepted the miles and would have sold other things I own to get the help I needed.

I send many women small gifts I make and there is never a price on anything. Just a simple gesture of caring. I have also received gifts from women who read my blog and wanted to send their appreciation in a small way. The ladies who sent me cards and gifts made me feel really good and they knew no price tag was due from either side. This is the difference between those who make money from your sad, painful situation and those who really care. These people should be ashamed but of course they never are.

You can read what transpired through this secret group and what these people are all about. I want it out in the open so that women know not to take any gesture of kindness from Jane Akre because there is a price. Read here


  1. Cindy

    I had my sling removed a little over a week ago after only having my sling for 7 months. I’ve had 7 surgeries since that time and have more to go. My urtera was damaged during the initial installation of the sling. These past 7 months have been a living nightmare and some days I’m not sure how much more I can take and yes the guilt adds to my already feeling bad, which definitely makes it worse. As I stated I just had the sling removed by a highly recommended Doctor and honestly the 1st day I forgot what freedom of having pain felt like. I felt renewed, like I may survive after all. The 1st couple of days were pretty good. I’m not kidding how amazed I was about the relief of pain – AMAZING! But I’m not sure what has happened but suddenly I can’t sleep again, I have had a lot of bleeding and I feel a different vaginal pain. Again, I’d rather slit my wrist than go to try to urinate. My insides feel very swollen and I have a burning inside me that I can hardly bare. I do go back to the Dr. tomorrow and I almost dread hearing what has gone wrong now. I know ultimately I am loosing my right kidney and I am praying that my kidney is not destroyed and I will be able donate the kidney. At least I will have felt like all of this was for something. I’m afraid that the rest of me – all that makes me a woman is forever lost. Will I ever be able to make love to my husband, will I ever be able to be healthy enough I can visit my daughter and participate with my family without the fear and knowing they are watching me that their dog doesn’t knock me down or hurt me. I feel guilt just knowing everyone is on pins and needles because I am around. I feel like a feeble old woman. Then I try to do research on my own to see what side effects are from the removal of the sling and all you come up with are attorneys.. I need help and I don’t mean legal. How do I get over this anger building up inside of me that my body has failed me. How do I get up and go to work and try to live normal when I feel like I can’t even get out of the bed. Can someone please direct me to a link where I can pick up the pieces from the last surgery and try to figure this out please. I’d also like to know how to ask a Dr for something to help with my newest symptom “Depression”. I’m not used to this one and I have asked and they just said they would send me to a therapist to talk. I wanted to scream – I hear of millions of men and women on all of these drugs for depression and you’re telling me I need to spend more money and maybe get a pill? I’ve never asked for anything in my life to take the edge off, calm my nerves. I need help and I need someone to listen to me or at least let me feel like someone is listening and not feel all alone.

    1. lavalinda

      Cindy all you can do is ask questions now and see what is wrong. Please be aware that antidepressants have many side effects that could push you over the edge.


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