Support Groups & Mayhem

Living with the results of medical mesh complications is far from easy. Unless you go through it you cannot completely understand all the mental feelings of frustrations and anger as well as the pain and damage associated with mesh products, does to you. This is why women tend to be drawn to support groups for understanding of others just like them. In theory support groups are a good thing and yet there can be many problems. In the end you have to learn how to separate the two and get what you need out of it, while staying in touch with the world around you.

I can tell you that doing this blog has put me in touch with many wonderful women, including some I have met. They have been a wonderful support group to me as women who understand the mess of mesh. Some I have come to know well in person, whereas others I felt an instant kinship with even though we have yet to meet. I know in time I will meet them and we will connect on a deeper personal level. Life being what it is for me and these women, it is not easy to make travel plans or look past the issues we face, one day at a time. But I hope someday we will meet and laugh and joke and just be women as friends. It will mean a great deal to me and I know it will mean the same to them.

Although this blog has taken up a great deal of my life during the last four years, I do try at times to remove myself for a period of time and look towards things I love and things that make me happy and a whole person as I was before mesh happened to my body. That does not mean I disconnect from the women I have grown to care for in friendship, it just means I have to continue to fight for my own survival and find my own happiness, not drain their energy while I deal with my own suffering. It seems to have held me in good stead thus far for my mental wellbeing and I am glad I have things I love to do in a home environment. This beyond anything else has helped me get through many bad times. It also helps me adjust to the life I lead now, where I cannot jump in my car and go off to meet friends for a lunch engagement. In fact my past life has no bearing on my present, as many friends tend to leave when the going gets tough.

Often women have said to me, I don’t know how you deal with all the sadness that goes with mesh. The truth is I am just like everyone else. I get overwhelmed and I can’t take it anymore and it is then I pull back and find my own way out of the doldrums. I don’t seek others to do this for me because I know I have to do it for myself. I cannot take away someone else’s healing energy to heal my mind. I have to work at it on my own.

I have never relied on support groups, which I feel is a good thing. I am grateful that I don’t because I can remain self-efficient and work on my own strength, both physically and mentally. I do believe they can be good for likeminded, or injured people to join up with and choose when and where to comment and share how we are each are dealing with our complications, but in the end when our front door closes, we have to find our own way through our issues. If we don’t, we will become victims of those who have a sinister purpose or like to control.

Each of us have a lawyer and as such, we should ask our own questions from the person we hired to help us with compensation from our injuries and not rely on owners of these support groups to give us information. The worse thing about being in a lawsuit is that others with their own agenda, would like to pick your bones clean and leave you for dead. It’s not always easy to recognize who these people are until they are forced out in the open, but there are many signs we tend to overlook. I am guilty of thinking everyone is good and is honest, but the last several months I have had a huge wake up call to the contrary. But what has kept me in good stead to get through it all, is my own sense of self. I remain honest and truthful and committed to helping other women. My book has one cover. However, others with special interests have many covers and a deeper purpose. On the outside they can look like you. A woman who is injured and living in pain. Or they can look like a leader who wants to tell the world what is happening because of pelvic mesh. But between the pages of their book are many subtle, hidden meanings and approaches to a future that spells out profit from your injuries. You just have to read, think and recognize all the signs you read.

I know many women are awake at night and feel terribly alone, which is why support groups are a place to turn to, to talk to women who are affected by the afflictions of mesh injuries. This is the good side of these groups. But you have to learn how to use them for your own purpose and not rely on them 100%. This is because those who run them can abort you from the group at will, without any explanation. Of course doing so shows they have a very well hidden agenda that more than likely if financial in gain, either now or in the future. When they close the doors on you it usually means they have become paranoid that you in some way have become a threat to their gain. By aborting you because of your association with someone else, means they feel threatened and may lose the end game if you are present on their group. Don’t let them get to you.

I have met so many strong and intelligent women who can sort through what is going on and can see through the lies and deceit. They know what these people are about and they are not fooled one bit. Even though they are on support groups, they are also aware of everything that is being said. They know those who run them are using women for their own purpose and they are not being fooled. They also know that if someone kicks them off the group without any reason other than who they know, there is something much deeper going on. When a group keeps their doors closed and the person who runs it suddenly becomes paranoid, they can see there is much more going on than is transparent. Like it or not, money truly is the root of all evil.

So if you have been kicked off a group without any reason given, then please do not take it personally. It is not you that is the problem, it is the owners of these so called support groups. They have much to lose if you rock their money boat. And money is truly the end game and you are just a pawn. I know you will survive and find your own path to a brighter future where you will be in control and not someone else who wants to gain from your situation.

We’ve all been through many changes in our lives and people we thought were good or true friends turned on us and left us for dead. If money was not involved in these situations, the support groups would work the way they are supposed to. You come and go at will, leave a message when you choose and help others when you found a way to help yourself. I belong to one just like this for people who suffer vestibular damage from the drug gentamicin. No one profits. The group is there when you need others and you can go to it or leave it alone. No profit means the group works for the right reasons. These other groups, formed because of mesh injuries, sad to say are not there for anything other than profit. When the owners feel the profit is slipping away then they panic and clear anyone who may stand in the way of their gain. Sad I know, but true.

The gist of it is, we cannot live for a support group. We have to find our own way back and learn how to live with what we are left with and find our own happiness even if it is staring at the flowers in your own back yard. Sometimes these simple signs of life are what gets us through each day, one day at a time. I hope you will find your own happiness and not rely so much on these groups to find a way to deal with your own circumstances.

I am sorry if any woman’s association with me has changed her connection with a support group she needed, but remember that you were alone before mesh came into your life and you dealt with your life’s ups and downs. Now you can deal with life as it is after mesh.
This blog today is brought to you with my love and blessings. Linda


  1. Debra Louthan

    Hello all. My name is debra. I have had two sling surgerys. The first sling was a failure. The second surgery/was done and is failed also. I have too have both of them removed. I stated noticing strang things happening to my body. Three bladder infections in Six months. More problems than I have mentioned. I started reading other women’s stories no am horrified at the suffering that these women have endured . I want too share about a doctor in Dallas, his specialty is tacking out the bladder the sling. His name is Gary Lemack MD. He is located in Dallas the number is 214-645-8765. Thanks Debra.

    1. lavalinda

      Debra I do not know how mush mesh your doctor is capable of removing. I do know others in Dallas who did not remove it all. the problem is unless you understand how many types of mesh there are and how it is anchored in your body, you don’t know all the right questions to ask. Many women thought they were doing good for a few months after removal and then had more pain. It turned out it was the anchors that were left in. Most doctors do not attempt to remove them because it takes special skill and the wrong doctor will leave you bleeding to death. Every woman should do extensive research on her mesh or meshes (many have several) and if it has been in you a few years my advice is go to UCLA. Do not go to see any doctor ignorant of what is in your body or you cannot ask the right questions. Google your mesh and add patent information and then really study it. A woman I spoke to last week was told after ten years it was impossible to remove and all they wanted to do is clip off the eroded parts. If you do not want to have more than one surgery to get it removed, then UCLA and Dr. Raz is the best.


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