Change to No Mesh

I was awake before daylight this morning with other women on my mind. I do this often because women’s voices never leave my head. They are the voices of suffering and pain and they pierce through anything else I try to do, including sleep. Although I suffer with my own problems caused by mesh, I cannot close my mind down to others who suffer, regardless of the degree.

I have often woken up during the night and cannot get back to sleep because I think about the mess I am in and the mess thousands of women who are just like me. I know their stories. I know nighttime isn’t about sleep, it is about sitting on the toilet, time after time and often falling asleep while there and falling off the toilet, banging their head. Why? Because medical mesh has destroyed their insides and they cannot “go”. Mesh destroyed their urinary track, kidneys and pelvic area.

Although I am better than I was, my bladder is half the size it is supposed to be courtesy of mesh. So I get up every night four or five times on many nights, three on a good night. I stumble through curtesy of an antibiotic drug for infection that has left me permanently dizzy. I try to avoid too much swaying because I stumble and smash my toes into any object and that causes bleeding and damage. Then I am in worse pain and cannot sleep the rest of the night.

If you are mesh injured, night time is not your friend. It is a lonely time of little sleep and a lot of pain. Darkness brings fear. Fear brings anxiety.

What I have learned in four years it really doesn’t matter who put the mesh implant on the market. The implant itself is causing all the pain and loss of women’s livelihood and lives. That is why we have to change the way we think and the way we speak about this issue.

You may not be aware there was already one lawsuit a few short years ago, but it will be difficult to find that information because it was buried. It was buried so deep because that is how these settlements work. You will need to sign a gag order to get your money. How much money will it be? Not much! I have never spoken of this before but a couple of years ago when this blog was picking up more and more women, one woman asked to speak to me over the phone. What she told me stuck in my head and I decided to keep fighting for the wellness of women. She was in that lawsuit settlement. She actually told me how much she was given at the end and believe me it wasn’t much. She told me she had lost her home while she waited for the settlement and her family didn’t care about her once the settlement money was gone. She still didn’t own a home and was on disability. She had no money left and never knew what any day would bring her. And she wished she had never taken the low ball offer.

Desperation. These settlements take so long and so much money is taken from the settlement that you won’t be left with enough to live your life the way you planned. That is the truth about mesh. So why not do something good with your life. Why not change the way you talk about what has happened to your body and your whole being and tell every woman that the mesh implant caused the downfall of your life.

Many years ago people were dying at an alarming rate. Why? Because cigarettes were killing them. I remember my husband telling me that when he joined the U.S. Navy, cigarettes were handed out free. He began relying on smoking as part of his life. Well look at it this way. Doctors now rely on medical mesh as part of their lives. They think there is nothing wrong with it and without it they would not be making a living from these surgeries. Well my husband thought the same about cigarettes because everyone else did it. That is the way of the world. If everyone does it, it must be okay.

Fortunately after he married his first wife and had young children, his daughter complained about the smell and thought he would accidentally burn her. So he threw away the cigarettes and kicked the habit cold turkey. Many years later after his divorce we met, he told me he was happy I did not smoke and told me his story.

Life has many layers. We think we are living one life, but we are living and dealing with several layers at a time. Things are happening all around us and sometimes to us. We don’t see what is in front of our eyes because our lives are busy. We don’t stop to view all that is going on and we take little in. But it is good to stop and really look. If you do then make notes of what you see.

The sad part is greed has always been part of humanity. It is the biggest temptation regardless of how good a person you think you are and battling that greed can be hard. One foot in the wrong direction can take you two steps wrong. Before long you get used to wrong steps because it is easier and you get used to the funding of greed. Greed is an addiction that many cannot battle. That is why I don’t take one penny for doing what I do. That is why I say no to mesh and no to putting anyone’s link on this blog. No lawyers, no loan sharks, nothing! I am not going to take that first step into greed hell.

The way the cigarette greed was changed was when the battle cry became about nicotine. When proof was presented that nicotine was damaging lungs and killing people. No mention of who made them and that made it okay for the media to take on the battle. They did not have giant companies threatening them to pull ads from TV and radio. It began with one person yelling the cry of the side effects of nicotine and then one more yelling the cry. Before long it was fashionable to talk about it. To say that smoking killed people. That is how we have to view this giant fight to change things about medical mesh.

If one reporter would stand up and say that mesh is killing women, ripping out their insides and causing their demise, perhaps one more reporter will do it too. Two voices are better than one. Ten voices are better than two.

Medical mesh is manufactured without a brand name. It is made by non-branded companies around the world in India, Germany and other places. This is the grass roots of change.

Please tell the World that a medical implant made of mesh did this to your body. Don’t give the whole spiel about the company name because you will lose your audience quickly. I have a roll of mesh used in construction because my daughter and I were once building a house together. I used it doing sheetrock work to seal the pieces together with something they call mud. I used to climb up ladders all day long and do this work, but now I can’t climb on ladders. But I have decided to cut a piece of the mesh and put it in my purse. Then any woman I meet who is receptive to a conversation about what has happened to us, I will pull it out and show her what mesh is.

Mesh is plastic. It doesn’t matter if it has been die cut into a shape to be used in our bodies, or if has been sterilized and placed into a neat little packet with a product I.D. number. Mesh is mesh. So let’s all chant “Say No To Mesh!” Let’s change the story and the tune to sing it will follow. It takes one voice, then two, then ten. It takes our voices to change this.

Yet another woman just died somewhere else in the world because of medical mesh. This time in New Zealand. You can read her story I ask you, the mesh injured woman, will you allow the same rhetoric continue? Don’t. Tell the world medical mesh killed her and could have killed you. Say no to mesh!


  1. Lisa

    Linda is right! Some lawsuits have already settled, one for 3k each, others 20/30k each…after your atty takes 40% and your hospital/insurance gets paid back the money for the surgery, how much money will you really get?

    Your health is worth more than money! Every mesh injured women needs to rise up and tell the world what mesh did to their life. SAVE ANOTHER WOMAN’S LIFE!

    We may not have money for commercials like the mesh attys, but one woman at a time, we can make a difference by warning other women and sharing our story.

    When you almost die, something changes inside you.

    And now Karyn in New Zealand has died. How many more women have to die before the fda pays attention?

    All mesh injured women need to report their injury on the fda database MAUDE. If you think the doctor will do it, you are wrong. The doctors do not care. They want to keep making money.


  2. Gina

    This is true I wrote to most of my local news reporters and Debra Duncan. I wrote to a couple of others and I WILL CONTINUE. I believe someday One day someone will have the courage to talk about it as a “Special Report”. And it Only takes one person to get the ball rolling. For one and one that I believe saved me and thousands of other women and her Voice and time is now reaching women across the World Linda!! Yes Linda you because of you and your experience with mesh and talking about your journey. You sharing stories and alternative medicine and So much more. I truly believe because of your strong will our voices will be heard soon.

    1. lavalinda

      Gina I do it because I heard your voice and the voices of so many women who don’t know where to turn or what to do. That is how I was four years ago trying to find something or someone who could help me. Going to a doctor should NEVER turn out this way.

  3. Linda

    i read with such interest about your strength and caring about the women who are waking up crying in pain or being awake all night. not to add extra attention to my self I have suffered 4 tramatic brain injuries 2 prior and 2 after my implant. the last was april 7th and brain cells die a different times I have a hard time typing and potting words together I think I had a mind stoke last night I was walking sideways all day and falling quite a bit. Anyway I am still a fighter and will pursue this cause any way I can help.

    1. lavalinda

      Linda I hate you are going through this but I am glad you are able to write about your experience. It may help other women and thank you for doing it.


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