Time for Change
There comes a time when you realize you have to change and grow or stop and quit doing what you are doing. Luckily for me I have someone who supports and loves me and is willing to donate her time behind the scenes to help me with this blog and work on educating women about the dangers of mesh implants. I have always believed that educating one woman at a time is the best way, but you have to reach the women who are not mesh injured to warn them of the dangers. So my work will change and with my daughter’s help by making this blog more assessable to the women of the world, I hope to change the lives of many women who will need pelvic floor surgery in the future and do not know the risks.
You see I have no choice. Every day when I check the comments on my blog, I read horrendous stories. Women of all ages young and old are sick and dying a long slow death. Many don’t have insurance or money to travel far from home. Many have young children and are often single mothers. I no longer ask why this keeps happening I simply wonder when it will stop! But things don’t change or stop unless we are all willing to work harder to make it happen.
This month I will turn sixty-seven years old and I wonder will I live long enough to see the changes we need to happen with pelvic floor mesh. Then I realized unless I was will to work harder to educate women, there will never be any change. I also think all the educating I have done for myself to understand the immense variety of mesh injuries, should not go to waste and I should work harder to educate women in more ways than one. But that takes a lot of technical knowledge which I don’t have and cannot afford to hire. I want this blog to remain free of advertisements and free in cost to women everywhere and this is why I am so happy my daughter is going to give of herself to help this cause.
I think back when I began my little blog on Blogspot.com. I was desperate and couldn’t sleep and I was searching via Google to understand what was happening to me. I often felt so desperate and afraid, thinking I was not going to survive. There was so little about mesh implants anywhere on Google at that time (2010) and I added U.K. after my search which helped yield my first answer. I took that first answer to the doctor who put the sling in me, thinking she would realize what was happening to me and try to help. But that didn’t happen. That was my first eye opener that doctors and hospitals are not there to help you at all. I was dumbfounded and was lost. I had no idea what to do or where to begin to change my situation. So for the first time in my life, I learned to blog.
At night when my leg pain kept me awake I either researched or wrote out my frustrations. I wanted to yell and scream at the world but had no clue if anyone would read it. I just typed and at last I was able to sleep for a while even with my pain, from sheer exhaustion.
During that time I still believed in the doctor who did the surgery. My daughter drove me two hours in traffic every week, sometimes twice a week for me to see this doctor. I kept notes and a diary of what I was going through so that I remembered to tell the doctor what was happening. I was still trying to convince her I had a major problem. This is one of those early notes after I had already had a second surgery to cut the sling in the middle. At that time I thought my doctor was going to remove it completely. This was at the very beginning of my nonexistent education about mesh and implants. After the second surgery I had to self cath because I still could not urinate on my own. I was told that the Foley catheter was doing so much damage and causing many infections and I could no longer have it in my body. I was glad to not have it any more because it was so painful but then I couldn’t pee without doing self cath. That was ten weeks after the sling was put into my body
Thursday May 13th 2010.
Left Doc office just after 12 noon. Thirty minutes later I felt a painful urge to go and Kim had to get off freeway and find a bathroom quickly. I was unable to measure my urine, then went twice more doing a small amount. Then we had to go to pick up my prescriptions and some groceries, before arriving home around 3 pm. It was a hard day. I began noticing that I was incontinent without any warning, no sneezing nor coughing and had to switch to larger pads to control it. Sometimes I felt an urge to go and could not make it to bathroom before leaking and when I tried to go, nothing happened and my bladder hurts. I am really worried.
I look back at that time and realize I have come a long way and yet my health is far worse because of all I have gone through. I am now five surgeries down. I remember when I tried to find a local urologist last year to help me after surgery at UCLA that one of them looked at me and said “I don’t think that little bit of mesh can hurt anyone“. By this time I was so far down and nothing surprised me anymore. But these doctors never defeated me. In fact it made me work harder to tell the truth about what was happening to women all over the world.
There are times when I have felt overwhelmed at the amount of women who are injured and wanted financial help and I had no way to help them. I contacted celebrities and none responded. It was then I realized we are on our own. But at the same time we can be the driving force of change. We just have to make up our minds that women are worth saving and speak out!
Rome wasn’t built in a day I know but slowly one brick at a time, we can build on educating other women. They do not deserve to wind up like us. We didn’t either, but to stay quiet means we are part of the problem and not part of the solution.
I am well aware of all the hard working women around the world who are fighting for change and I salute them all. They are the backbone of change and we are making a difference.
So with my daughter’s help I am willing to make the changes and do the work. You can now follow me on facebook and twitter. You can remain anonymous and keep up with the changes and perhaps you can help yourself to a better future.
Here is a direct link to the facebook Mesh Angel Network page. The rest is up to you.