Daughter of Mesh

There are two sides to every coin and two sides to every story.

I asked my daughter a few months ago to write about what it was like to live with me as a mesh injured woman. I wanted her to be brutally honest because it is very important for women to get the fact that the mesh injury did not just happen to YOU. Over the weekend she did not work on our house because she was not well herself, and she decided to write for me so that I could share it with you.

I asked her not to sugar coat or do the usual stuff like “I missed so and so about my Mom”. That is a given. What I wanted from her was how she felt all the way through the journey with me. When you read it, I want you to understand that this is how your family feels. Either partner, adult or young child feels and how your mother feels. To understand anything you must first agree to be open minded. You must evaluate not as a parent or other. You must put aside all your own pain, all your own anger and frustration so that you can realize this journey is not all about you. Everyone around you is affected. But you do not have to lose the relationships you have if both of you agree to work at healing them.

Understand if your relationship was already doomed before mesh complications, it will finish it off, but not caused it. Also understand that there is no need for any abuse on either side either physical or emotional. My daughter has never been that way with me, not once. She has taken me to so many appointments to doctors and therapists and has often instigated trying something new. Then she has to sell something to pay for it because most of these innovative approaches Medicare will not pay for. She also has to find extra funds to buy the supplements that can improve my situation and help me stay as well as possible. This has involved hundreds of hours on her part. There are times when I see she is tired of it all and I understand why. No one can live like this and not get sick of it.

I have always been very grateful to her and for her for standing by and helping me through this awful journey. I can no longer drive and if not for her I do not know what I would do.

By sharing her words I want you to view those who love you in a different light. Know that they still love you but sometimes they get angry and frustrated by what has happened to you. Not angry or frustrated at you and there is a difference. Name calling has never been allowed in my home and my daughter never grew up with it, so she would never yell or scream at me. We have a good foundation because of our past together. We are alike in some ways and complete opposites in others. That is the way it is supposed to be. Sometimes we agree to disagree.

You should also know that when the mesh sling was put into me, she was trying to make her own relationship work with someone she fell in love with. Relationships are hard at best and unless two people want it to work, it will fail. I know she felt bad for not doing more research at that time, but it was not her fault. Sadly there wasn’t much out there four years ago and I did not even know what had been put into me for many months. Then it was because I got the records from the hospital. Only then was I able to do more research and find the truth through an avenue of hidden facts.

I also want you to know that a few days ago she told me I don’t know what I will do if you don’t live many more years. That says it all. So now read her true story. Not fluff. But the truth of what it feels like to go through this journey from a daughter’s point of view. I will add more at the end of this blog.

Daughter of Mesh

How mesh changes your life and those around you cannot be summarizes in a handful of words. It’s a lifestyle change for everyone involved with an ever-evolving array of emotional upheavals and challenges. Women who have been damaged by mesh know all about their own challenges and physical changes. What happens to the closest family members and how are they affected by it? I cannot speak for everyone… but I will tell you my story and how it’s affected me personally.

There is a process with mesh. You go through all the emotional stages of loss and grief. My mother’s journey down this road came from a single visit to a doctor who decided she had “high blood pressure” when in point of fact she went there for a urinary tract infection and the good doctor upsold her on the blood pressure medication Lisinopril. That medication was not required or needed, but because at that time we held a doctor’s word alone in high esteem, she took it without question. Lisinopril caused an allergic reaction called angioedema, or internal hives. From there damage was done to my mother’s internal system. After getting off Lisinopril and finding an antidote for the hives she had to have the internal damage repaired. A rectocele repair was required. After watching my mother creep around instead of walking normally I was all for having the damage fixed by a surgeon. We went for the consult and the surgeon decided to upsell my mother on another procedure at the same time… a bladder sling. I honestly wasn’t happy about it. It was a matter of more money… a lot more money. However, it was my mother’s body and her choice to make. Normally I am the one to research everything… I made the decision she should do her own research. I regret that decision to this day.

Denial and isolation. After the surgery I thought, “OK, you’re fixed.” Unfortunately she was not fixed. At that time there was little information on medical mesh on the internet. What little information there was had shocked us both.

It was just over 2 months my mother returned to the hospital to have the mesh problem fixed. It took that long because there was a huge battle to have the doctor fix the problem… she refused to believe there was a problem even though my mother could not pee and was connected to a bag for 8 weeks. It was miserable for her. She was starting to panic thinking she might never be able to pee again… and I didn’t blame her. So back for surgery #2. This time I was under the wrong impression of what was going to “fix” my mom. I “thought” they were going to remove the mesh… because it was obviously a problem not a solution… and then she would be able to pee. Wrong. I remember the doctor, a woman no less, coming out of the surgery to give me an update on how the surgery went. I asked if she got the mesh out. She replied they had loosened it. What the hell did that mean? Loosened it? I thought they were removing it? Upon further questioning I learned they could not “remove” the mesh. She told me it was ok though because it was now hanging loose and there was nothing holding the bladder up so my mom would be able to pee now, back to normal. The biggest insult is the deception that woman perpetrated by telling me that and minimizing mesh being left in the body.

Anger. So after surgery #2 and under the impression my mom was now fixed… I thought what everyone else who has ever gone down this path thinks… “Now let’s get back to normal.” It didn’t happen. What did happen was my mother decided she wanted to build her body back up after she was free of the bag. So we went and purchased an exercise cycle from Walmart. I assembled it and tested it, then left it for her to use. She told me it hurt her too much to pedal. Now I expected the equipment to become a dust trap just because our family is not into exercise equipment and instead takes an active approach to exercise by doing something around the house. What I didn’t expect was “it hurts.” It what? You’re supposed to be fixed. I didn’t understand it and honestly at the time I thought she was just exaggerating. The cycle was returned to Walmart. What every family member either silently or verbally thinks at a certain point is… “You’re milking this. You have become used to someone helping you and must like the attention.” I went through that too. My mother spent hours online trying to find something to explain to me what she was going through… and I kept thinking she just wanted a new illness. She looked fine with the exception of walking with a small limp. Groaning every time she stood up or sat down. It felt like someone just wanted attention. I just wanted my independent mom back… what the hell was wrong with her?

Bargaining. In her frustration with me not listening, my mom started a little blog. Somewhere to vent her feelings… somewhere I didn’t have to listen to it. She continued researching. She found other women who were going through similar experiences. A lot of women who were going through far worse experiences. I started to believe what she was going through… but I didn’t believe it wasn’t “fixable” through natural supplements and exercise. I bought every supplement I thought would help. She tried them all. Some alleviated some symptoms, some fixed other things. None fixed her walking without pain… and that limp was getting worse all the time. She was no longer able to drive. I was now the chauffeur in addition to house husband fixing everything at home. Through many hours on the phone she decided the only way to fix her problems and keep from going downhill was by going to a doctor in California called Dr. Raz. We were out of credit line and had no extra cash for this. She had to wait nearly 2 years to see him. It took most of that time for me to believe she actually needed to go to California and there was no other doctor on the planet to fix her. We have 2 in Texas that are well enough known here… why couldn’t this be done closer to home? At least the same State? She continued talking to other women and through doing so was learning a great deal about all the doctors to avoid… all the damage they were doing to women in their “removal” surgeries. I had to listen daily to yet another horror story she was relaying to me. I was sick of it… I just wanted this mesh shit out of my life. So I finally relented… Dr. Raz would be the surgeon to make this nightmare end.

Depression. Once the decision was made that Dr. Raz was the only surgeon on the planet who would not further damage my mom… we waited out the time until she could go. Trust me when I say that UCLA and Dr. Raz’s team are the only doctors in the world to
be trusted with mesh removal. I continue to hear the horror stories to this day… and time is not improving doctors and mesh. The day finally came for the great mesh removal surgery. I almost wanted to throw a party… I’d finally have my life back to normal… and my mom would be fixed. She had it removed and it went well. We stayed an extra few days in California so she wouldn’t have to fly back right out of the hospital. Got home… and after a few weeks of catheter hell she still couldn’t pee just right. It was decided she needed yet another surgery… to “fix” the damage the mesh had caused. I couldn’t believe it. She was supposed to be fixed once the mesh was removed. What the hell? I was now doing damn near everything. Chauffeur, handyman, head of household… and pitiful emotional support. I let her tell me all these stories of mesh damaged women… but I hated every minute of it. It was a constant reminder life was never getting back to normal. I was on my own… finishing building a house by myself when once I had my mother as a partner in building… she painted and organized and did sheetrock. Now she couldn’t even help pick up the other end of a piece of sheetrock let alone anything else. My personal life was in shambles too… dating was stressful when I had enough stress at home. So I just sucked it up… and kept on building.

Acceptance. The surgery for repairing mesh damage meant another trip to California and UCLA. I went with my mom again. Don’t think this is a trip to Disneyland. I went to support my mom for a medical trip. There is literally nothing to do in the UCLA Westwood area. I went from hotel to hospital with a few breaks to Target and grocery store in between. Bored to death and worried how this was going to come out the entire time. Hopeful this would help her pee normally… but at this point not expecting a miracle of any kind. It wasn’t going to fix that limp or the nerve pain left behind from the ravage of mesh. She was never driving a car again. Again… the catheter bag was attached… and knowing the nightmare of the bag and the stress of getting rid of it I was not happy about watching her go through this again. We got home… and that bag nightmare became reality. There were constant infections… it took weeks to find a doctor who wasn’t a colossal douchebag and get her help for those infections. After a round of powerful antibiotics… she was finally free of the bag and the infections. I cheered for one day. Then came another reality hit… the antibiotic Gentamicin that had helped defeat the infection had left its mark with more damage. She was now dizzy all the time… she described it as though being on a rocking ship. I did research and tried all sorts of supplements to try to repair the dizziness, to no avail. Tried physical therapy with no success. It’s permanent simple as that. There is no fix to this. So now she’s left with dizzy and limpy. I have finally accepted this is as good as it gets… and to get on with living life as best as I can with my mom as she is.

To this day my mom continues to help women all around the world even with the challenges life has dealt her. We try to have as normal a life as we can. She does the laundry and dishes… I do everything else. That’s life. It is what it is and screaming about it isn’t changing anything. I often hear the phone ring and tell her it’s “mesh central” around here. There are times it is all consuming for her… and I’m tired of all of it. It doesn’t pay the bills. It’s not helping our life. It’s depressing to hear these stories of women damaged by mesh. It angers me to think doctors endorse it. It’s a never ending money maker for doctors, pharmaceutical companies and lawyers. Now there’s even organizations popping up with people pretending to help… when in fact their agenda is spread their name all over the web and make a profit under the guise of a non-profit agency, becoming famous for nothing just like the Kardashians. It’s sickening. It makes me want to never hear the word “mesh” again. However… as much as I would love to turn back the hands of time and have none of this ever happen… I am not a miracle worker. Life is not a fairytale. It is simply the life we lead and we must accept what we have been dealt and make the best of a bad situation. So I continue working on the house… for me it’s now therapy to keep busy with my accomplishments and making a better life for our future… alone. I’m learning to cook. I’m happy with my little dog and my mom for company. I’ve accepted that mesh isn’t going away. It is in fact a medical crisis… an epidemic that is crippling and killing the women of the world. I help make little improvements to my mother’s blog which now has an astonishing following of thousands of women. I still listen to the horror stories of women affected by mesh. I hear about the doctors that continue to inflict further damage and are mutilating women every day. I hear about the lives of women and their families… and the anguish of how those closest family members treat the women affected by mesh.

For those family members… you’re not alone. Mesh didn’t just destroy the wife, mother or daughter in your life… it took a little piece of your life too. You’ll go through all the steps of grief. You’ll feel bad about the things you’ve thought or said. You’ll finally accept this is real… it’s not going away and life goes on. You’ll finally be the person you were meant to be in this situation… someone who accepts and supports the person you love.

Find your voice… and tell every woman you know or don’t know about the dangers of mesh. Tell them how it robs the immune system and damages nerves and organs. Tell them it kills… because women have died due to complications from this who couldn’t get help in time. Breast cancer gets more attention. African women having their vaginas mutilated gets more media coverage. Yet every day… hundreds more women are being “fixed” by mesh. Hundreds of women discover too late they will be experimented on… dismissed and called crazy… physically mutilated by both mesh and repair surgeries. Without a woman’s vagina… there is no sex and there are no babies. Remember that the next time you hear “save the breasts with pink” campaign. Your mother… your wife… or your daughter are affected by this epidemic of medical misuse and pharmaceutical irresponsibility. Help spread this knowledge to everyone you know. Say no to mesh… save a life today… and strip the doctors, pharmaceutical companies and lawyers of their power by taking the money out of this industry. Knowledge is power… spread the word.

Now that you have read her words, I want you to think about your own relationships. If at all possible, mend fences. But that does not mean taking any physical or emotional abuse from anyone. If you find all this overwhelming and cannot handle it on your own, don’t expect those who love you to handle it for you. Get help. Find a good psychologist and set up counseling for you and your younger children. Do something to help yourself and don’t lay alone angry at the world. This journey is long and filled with pitfalls. Try to avoid as many as possible. I wish you wellness and joy.

22 Comments

  1. Nancy Mikitka

    Thank you, Linda and Kim, for your candor. Thank you both for taking the time to educate others. Thank you Kim for being there for your mother. You truly are a remarkable young woman! I pray each and every day with time there will be more healing emotionally and physically for each of us who have been mesh injured. I pray for our families and loved ones who also have been affected by what has happened and the unexpected and unwanted changes that came into our lives by a insidious thing called mesh. I pray one day, because each of us who has been injured by mesh whether by actually having had it or because our loved one has endured the nightmare, we will be able to impact women around the world to refuse to have it put into their bodies…thereby, one day, making the medical device companies who continue to make mesh to stop making it because their bottom line will be affected. These are the hopes I cling to as I try to live my life to the best it can be now because I was able to have the mesh removed. Mesh has had its way with me and even though it is no longer in my body…my body still remembers it was there and the damage has been done.

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      You said it very well Nancy.

      Reply
  2. Jemima Williams

    I recognise so much in this. I have seen these stages within family and friends. Luckily, just as Kim has, they’ve come to accept what is happening.
    I’ve lost a few ‘friends’, but gained many, many more! They are all learning to understand, but the anger never, ever goes away.
    Thank you Kim for being so honest <3 You are truly a wonderful and supportive daughter and a credit to your parents! You and your Mom warm up my life and bring me joy everyday, with your posts and photographs. Lots of love to you both. Keep well and strong xxxx

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Thank you Jemima. We too have found friendship in other places because of mesh and there is joy in the bad things. We just have to keep searching for it until we find happiness.

      Reply
  3. mesh sista

    thank you Kim. I know how much you and your mother love each other and it shows in this piece. I’m so sorry that any of us have to suffer with the mesh hell. None of us ever wanted to be a burden to our children

    Reply
  4. Sharon Mcbride

    Linda, like you, i thought all I had to do was have the mesh removed, and BAM, Id be back to running miles again with my dog, I’d be cycling miles with my husband, I’d be doing the volunteer work at the shelter helping train animals to help make them more adoptable, I’d be doing the groceries, I’d be cooking great meals again. NONE of this has happened. Only to find out I need at least 3 more very serious surgeries, and I’m stumped on where to start. I have friends here in NW Ar., my family are all in Canada. It is indeed a very lonely painful existence when you are really all alone. I thank God every day for my mesh sisters, and mostly, for Linda for talking to guide me and take the steps I needed to get to Dr. Raz. Kim, Every word I read, I could see all those emotions in my husband. I know he longs for the day for me to get better, however, it is what it is for now. No one can predict the future, so I try as hard as it is to make the best of each day. I have to admit, it is not easy. My issues pretty much keep me chained to the house.
    Thanks you both Kim and Linda for always telling it like it is, yes the truth hurts sometimes, but often, people really need a dose of reality.

    Reply
    1. Jemima Williams

      It’s as hard on the husbands and children as it is on us ! I’m so glad we all have each other because we can talk and hold each other up, without explanation of how we are hurting. Both physically and emotionally.

      Reply
      1. lavalinda

        Jemima that is why I try hard to get women to join a support group or facebook. There are things you should not say openly but when you are totally isolated, your world becomes small and terribly lonely. Only mesh injured women understand each other.

        Reply
    2. lavalinda

      Sharon some women are very lucky and have one removal and go on with life. No their bodies are not back to normal, but they can have sex again and they can work. But it is those who did not have more than one sling, no nerve damage and only one removal at UCLA that are this way. Unfortunately many of us suffer and will suffer for the rest of our lives. We just have to find a way to deal with it and make peace with it.

      Reply
  5. Jane Akre

    Kim- You express yourself eloquently… really an amazing article. I believe you speak for many others who just simply do not want to believe this is happening…. but it is! Thank you.

    Reply
  6. anonymous

    You are both such an inspiration. Very well put.

    Reply
  7. Dawn

    Kim, I love seeing all of your home accomplishments that your Mom posts. You can see the love that you two have for each other. I know that it has to be a tough job to basically carry the full load now. But , just know the lives that your wonderful Mothers blog has touched.. She is truly an Angel for all of us ! I have tried so many of the natural supplements and they have helped me greatly . Now I see that you have been the great and wonderful Oz behind the research. THANK YOU !
    I will be down there once you get this B& B off and running 🙂
    Thank you for your contribution and telling your side of the story.
    Love, Dawn ( Illinois)

    Reply
  8. Tanya :)

    I can definitely relate to this.

    Reply
  9. Lisa

    Oh Kim, I loved it when you said:
    “find a doctor who wasn’t a colossal douchebag” and also when you said,

    “It’s mesh central around here and I am tired of it.”

    My husband, who was very supportive during my mesh crisis, and gave me over 40 shots, and knew I was told by a doctor I could go septic and die, now that the mesh is over and I am completely healed, he gets tired of hearing it too. It’s not our lives, let’s move on, this takes alot of time, where you could be doing other things he says.

    However, even though i am one of the few completely healed (ucla also), my heart burns with anger against the lying doctors, the insurance companies in denial looking the other way, and mostly against these mesh manufacturers who think because the fda hasn’t made them stop, they can go right in making money by hurting women. 70,000 lawsuits now, we can’t all be lieing!

    As injured mesh women, it gives us peace and a feeling of relief that we have saved another woman with our advice and our story

    What is the most important day of my life? Not my birthday, not my wedding anniversary, not when my kids were born…it is the day my mesh was removed, that was killing me, the day my life was saved by ucla. That is the most important day of my life.

    Take comfort Kim that your mom has literally saved thousands of women, with just information.
    This is information that has been denied to is by the fda, the doctors, the insursnce companies, and the mesh manifactuerers.

    Regarding lawsuits, no amount of money will make us whole. Money does not replace health.

    One woman at a time, and social media spreading the word, the mesh will stop someday.

    Thanks Kim for loving your mom through this. Not everyone can do that, and they leave their loved one to die a slow painful death.

    Reply
  10. ginger

    Thank you Kim for your story. It is a daily struggle to accomplish anything. I am so grateful my husband and three children have supported me through this horrific nightmare. Sadly I have lost my sisters and brother they have told me to buck up and they have accused me of faking all my pain they no longer talk to me ….. the sad part of all of this is if I had a stroke or heart attack then they probably would still be in my life but because this is all internal pain we are looked upon as hypercondracts (sorry for spelling errors)and mental. I am the victim of a hynnais crime a butchering of innocent women. You would think family would support you through this ordeal, but many leave you because they can’t understand why you continue to have pain month after month without a answers. Why can’t you just have the Mesh removed. The answer is so complicated your family looses hope and walks away. The other reason is simple they are ignorent they can’t be bothered. Thank you Kim for sticking with your Mom but please tryto find a balance so that you still have a life of your own. You need to take breaks, contact your local health and human services and see if they have respite care so that you can have down time. Good luck

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Ginger you may have misinterpreted Kim’s words because I am her mother. Fortunately I have a good mind and I use it. I do all I can to help myself and she does not have to care for me. However I cannot leave the house on my own due to the damage caused by gentamicin antibiotic and the nerve damage in my leg. But I live my life as best as possible and we laugh together. And I do all I can to help women get their lives back.

      Reply
  11. RR

    KIM,

    GOD BLESS you SO MUCH FOR Your honesty! It is like a breath of fresh air to hear from the other side. I’m the lady who GOD led to your Wonderful Mother Linda and I soon learned also about her WONDERFUL Daughter YOU Kim. I cannot tell either of you how blessed you both are but know YOU KNOW. Kim, just PLEASE remember if not for your Mom this lady who had looked 12YRS! would have VERY likely not be thrown a lifeline I grabbed with both hands and immediately started the process of whatever it took to find where it led to. Like a journey to the Emerald City and the Wizard as I had in my mind. Like the real Wizard of Oz the little man behind the curtain was a lot like Dr. R. in that he was no MAGIC wizard, was a little white haired man, BUT unlike that man was the most caring HONEST BRILLIANT Dr. I had met in my entire life.

    SO THANKS FOR BEING A GREAT DAUGHTER TO YOUR MOM AND A GREAT HUMAN BEING.
    I am blessed too with having an understanding daughter. She is the only one I know of who reads this blog sometimes. But she is a beautiful young woman with two LOVELY daughters, just turned 35 and has grown into a Beautiful person INSIDE AND OUT and lets the Lord guide her life from early on got a head start of her MOM!

    GOD BLESS YOU KIM! My husband and I still have on our LIST to do things to go to South Texas again and hopefully come by and see you both. I feel I know your MOM SO well and she is like a wonderful Mother, Sister and friend all rolled up into a spectacular human being with a daughter just as Spectacular as she is!

    RR NORTH of the REDRIVER!

    Reply
  12. Pam

    Thanks linda, kim, linda you are blessed to have kim to get your to store and more, even sometimes to share a laugh. Some of us don’t. Counseling would be nice, but I WANTED COUNSELING A FEW YEARS BACK, FOR SIMILAR THINGS GOING THROUGH WITH MESH, AND WAS REFUSED, a woman said that if I did not take the drugs they prescribed I could not get counseling. Linda, You have been a saint compared to me I know, her words were like throwing a match to gasoline. I TOLD HER WHERE TO PUT HER DRUGS AND WHERE TO GO WITH THEM. I could not believe that I COULD NOT GET SOMEONE TO TALK TO ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON, WITHOUT TAKING DRUGS.i HAVE CALMED DOWN SOME, and don’t cuss as I did when I first found mesh web sites and tea papers. I HAVE COME ALONG WAY, AND PAIN IS VERY SEVERE, I WENT TO DOCTOR, yesterday, , and he wants to go in and see how the mesh has moved into other body parts. I am scared for sure, sure wish I had some opinions on this , he’s going to put to sleep, and go in both places since I have 2 meshes different implanted front and back,pain off and on all day sometimes gets unbearable.
    Linda, you are an old timer like me, you have been through a lot too, I told the doctor as i told him some of what I had gone through with other doctors,HE ALREADY KNEW SOME, AS HE FIRED QUESTIONS AT ME AND i DID HIM, HE SAID, how do I know you are not going to get angry at me and tell me off, I SAID, don’t lie to me, we will do fine, I have been lied to enough, (I got off track, sorry linda, (I WILL NOT GO BACK AND FIX ERRS) i remembering all I have gone through with mesh, I TOLD HIM IT SEEMS LIKE STAGES OF DIFFERENT THINGS, THAT I HAVE DEALT WITH , WITH MESH, IN STAGES, privately I could explain, in the past 2 months more severe pain, and a a different area, I KNEW THE MESH HAD MOVED AGAIN, I know you have had your mesh as long as I have, mine 2009, I WAS THINKING IS THAT WHAT OTHER WOMEN ARE SUFFERING TOO? STAGES OF SIMILAR BUT DIFFERENT. THINGS GOING ON WITH MESH,. WITHIN FIRST YEAR OF MESH IT WAS A STAGE, THAT WENT ON FOR ABOUT A YEAR, THEN IT WENT INTO ANOTHER STAGE SIMILAR PAIN AND INFECTION, AND ANOTHER,AND NOW THISIN THE PAST 2 MONTHS, DIFFERENT AREA BELOW, LEAVES ME WITH QUESTIONS, OF WHAT NEXT WHERE WILL IT MOVE NEXT, WHAT DAMAGE, THE DOCTOR SAID YESTERDAY THAT HE COULD ONLY GO IN AND TRIM UP AGAIN , AS 1 DID IN 2012 , THAT IS NOT GETTING IT DONE. i debated with that doctor, I SAID , YOU ARE SAYING, NO HOPE OF REMOVAL, JUST TRIM, AND INFECTIONS UNTIL IT KILLS ME. THE BETTER NEWS IS THAT HOPEFULLY i CAN FIND OUT WITH HIM GOING INSIDE IF HAS GOT INTO OTHER BODY PARTS THAT WOULD HAVE TO CUT AWAY OTHER BODY PARTS AND MORE DAMAGE, i feel like a danged if I do and danged if I don’t. just wanted to ask does it seems like stages that you have gone through, when one stops and another pain starts up. I KNOW i TALKED TO YOU DURING FIRST STAGE, THAT LEFT AND A DIFFERENT BUT SIMILAR STARTED UP, NEVER STOPPING, BUT GETTING WORSE AND WEAKER IT SEEMS.
    AGAIN THANKS LINDA ,KIM, kim you turned a light on for me, YOU TOO LINDA, When you said we don’t call names, . I will keep that in mind, good advise!
    Jane sent you a message.

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Pam there are definite stages with mesh. After the sling was put into me I was having so many issues because I couldn’t pee at all and that took a few months to resolve enough where I began to notice more and more the groin pain. As it progressed I noticed the hip and back pain, then down to my leg and foot. Then I went into another stage not long before my removal surgery October 2011 I began the burning in my vagina which turned out was erosion in my uterus. After removal I knew the tight band around my groin had gone. Slowly things got better, but I had permanent damage in my right leg. I do control it with R Lipic acid and I wrote a blog called ‘My nerve Damage Plan’. But while the mesh is in you things keep getting worse. What happens after removal depends on the damage. However, I have improved tremendously so it was worth it.

      Reply
      1. pam

        THAT IS GREAT LINDA! i believe words , depends on damage done, the longer left in the more the mesh moves in other body parts, . we all have crucial decisions to make, but a lot depends on damage done, I AM HOPING TO GET AT LEAST SOME CLOSURE, IF ALL GOES WELL BY THE END OF THIS MONTH, AT LEAST TO KNOW WHERE THE MESH HAS MOVED AND WHERE, SOME THINGS i CAN SHARE ON WEB SITES, AND THEN SOME i CANNOT, ( to embarrassing) I am like you, I REFUSE DRUGS AS LONG AS i CAN, TO ONLY TAKE WHAT IS NECESSARY, I have had to go to something stronger than aspirin in last two months, over 5 years , aspirin only for pain, but that too has took a toll, I have to take something a little stronger , prescribed. . A nurse the other day when I told her what I was taking , I HAD JUST GOT THROUGH TAKING 2 DIFFERENT ANTI BIOTICS, FOR INFECTION, TEMPORARY RELIEF , SOMEWHAT. SO i SAID ONLY THE MILD PAIN MED, i STARTED TAKING ABOUT 2 MONTHS AGO, she asked shocked, she said is that all, I SAID THAT ‘S ALL, NOTHING ELSE. BUT i am up and down all day, and sometimes the only relief I get is to lay down for awhile, to get off my feet and sitting, then back up again, I REFUSE TO JUST LAY IN BED, i cannot do that, I PIDDLE ALL DAY, AND IT TAKES SO LONG TO GET NEEDED HUSE CLEANING DONE DAILY. BEFORE MESH ATTEMPT, i could clean the whole house, and work in yard, get mowing done, in 1 day, now I do good to get bed made and one room, finding doctors, and researching any news coming out, talking to people, sen, cong , anyone that might listen as I warn every woman, not to have mesh implant, I could not live with my conscious, if I did not speak out against women being implanted with mesh, to think I DID NOTHING, THAT IS JUST NOT ME. Read above, where kim mentioned building, , lol, me too, I LIKE TO PICTURE WHAT i WANT TO MAKE , AND TRY TO BUILD THINGS, i do good, or use to, I USE TO SPEND ALL DAY OUT IN YARD IN SHED , WITH DRILLS, NAILS, SAWS, , nobody messed with my tools. I DON’T HAVE AN IDLE MIND, i HAVE OVER AN ACRE TO TAKE CARE OF IN COUNTRY, it’s hard to keep up now.

        Reply
  13. Barbara Vance

    Thank you Linda for this candid story. It was kinda hard to read as I am going through some of these issues with my family at this time. I feel like such a burden. I only have my youngest daughter near me and she has a family of her own. I’m not always honest when asked how I feel because I’ve been told she just doesn’t want to hear anymore about this mesh!! It’s a lonely and hard life. I go days without seeing or talking to anyone. Kim~thank you for being so honest about your feelings. I know it can’t be easy for you but I appalled you for being there for your mom and not leaving her side. You have been selfless and put yourself aside for awhile to care of your mom and I can’t think of anything more awesome than a daughter doing such a wonderful thing for her mom. Blessings to you both~

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Today on Mother’s Day I understand what you and your children are going through and how hard it is for others to understand. Yes, they get sick of it and wish it would all go away and sadly we do too. But we are stuck with it. Yes it is very isolating for women. Maybe you can find a place where you can volunteer for a few hours a week and make new friends and feel productive again. You can choose when and if not well you don’t have to do it. Anything to get out of bed and live in the real world is good for us.

      Reply

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