New Year New Resolutions

One year has ended a new one has begun and we are all programed to looking back on the last year and looking forward to the next. A calendar, media and general life has given us a chance to move out the old and in with the new, and the new usually gives us hope for better things. Many things from the old make us reflect and make changes in the hopes our lives will improve for the better. We reflect on lessons learned and work our way through them so that hopefully we don’t repeat the same errors. We all go through this mentally, even though not everyone takes stock and makes those changes. Some call them New Year’s resolutions, but I call them life’s lessons learned.

Because of this blog and trying to help mesh injured women I have often come under fire. At times I have wanted to quit and other times take a break. It is all part of speaking out about difficult and controversial subjects. Whenever it happens I reflect, except the pain and turmoil and then work through it. Then I know I must move on and call it another life lesson. It is not easy but I do it to work at being whole again. It is the only way I can continue this.

I am old enough to have many life’s lessons and have gone through many friendship/relationships. Fortunately I had a great marriage and relationship with my daughter and that sustained me through many life lessons. I am thankful beyond measure that for the most part my home life has been my rock. The mesh injured world is vast in women and we all form relationships that can help or hurt us. We are often alone in our pain and it is natural to reach out to likeminded people. But we do not know their home life situations and therefore we often do not realize the influence that it has upon their lives. I have tried to remember that three things often come into play when it comes to mesh. Finances, either for those who earn from it, or those who lose all because of mesh. Relationships either personal or those formed because of mesh can be both good and bad. And control. Control is about those who find this world for various reasons and then find a place where they can become someone or feel better about themselves but only want women to do their bidding. I can assure you I am not one of the latter. I have many good things in my life that I can work on to give myself happiness and sheer joy. I am lucky in that respect because creativity makes you happy and independent of many needs. I feel very blessed.

In the past I have always given of myself and have changed strategies as life evolved. When my daughter was in grade school my husband’s job took him away a great deal. I used creativity to fill any void and to work with my own daughter so that she always had something fun to do. I taught her that being alone was not a terrible thing and she could enjoy that time by entertaining herself. She learned it well. I also reached out in the community I lived in and worked with children in the schools to give them the same chance at self-based happiness. There was never any payment for any of my services because I liked giving back. I understood what it was like being poor. I was raised during a struggling part of British history and if you want to learn about that, watching a show such as Call the Midwife, on Public Television in this country, will tell you a great deal about my upbringing. But even poor my mother was proud. She taught all eight children that you were always better off than others, regardless of how little you thought you had. We were taught to go out and ask stores for donations so that we could pack food boxes for the elderly in our neighborhood. My dad worked three jobs when I was a young child to keep a roof over the heads of his wife and eight children. Mum was a home maker who had to figure out how to budget to make his earnings go far and to help others in need. My parents fortunately were not drinkers, or wasted money. They were proud, hardworking people who did not look to others for anything. They did it alone, because their upbringing had told them this was the way it was supposed to be. So I learned that I could take trash and be creative. I didn’t have to have gadgets or money to make myself happy and I could give of my time if I had nothing else to give. That has been a constant in my life.

I am very thankful I had these parents I had and the difficult upbringing because it has taught me resilience. I may be kicked down today, but I will get up tomorrow and continue on. That is what my growing up message meant to me. So regardless of the setbacks I always find my way forward. I have formed wonderful friendships because of a terrible product we call mesh. I have also learned that some friendship/relationships are not to be. We differ in opinions and that is quite okay. We are supposed to be individuals, not churned out clones. We are all smart enough to recognize our fair weather friends. Those who never touch base with us when we are hurting. They sit on the sidelines and watch and wait fearing we are tainted. No one wants to touch a hot potato for fear of getting burned. Understandable of course, but real friendship goes much deeper. I am very grateful for experiencing real friendships born out of mesh and I know who they are.

I remember something my daughter told me when she was a young child. She watched me do many things to help many people. She looked at me one day when I was so forlorn when I realized I had been taken in by someone I had helped. She said “Mom, it doesn’t matter what you say, to make them understand, because the only person you can change is you”. I try to remember that but of course my personality is to help others. I have been burned many times and will be burned again I am sure. If you don’t put yourself out there to help others you will never learn both good and bad life’s lessons. Fortunately the good, although less than the bad is sustaining. That is why people do good things.

I am very grateful to those who reached out to me during 2013 when I was going through mesh hell and other issues. I have never wavered from the truth. Everything I went through personally I reported and explained why it happened. I don’t hide from the truth and to move forward and get the help we need in the situation of mesh injuries, none of us can do that. If my life lessons are often hurtful then I can embrace the fact that I am still alive and can get through it. Mesh injuries have taught me to be more resilient and to understand that this too shall pass. So as I crossed the threshold of 2013 to 2014, I reflect and learn. I am also human and make mistakes, but my duty remains the truth. I will continue to share and try to help others to move forward and I will shed unhealthy relationships so that I can form new and healthy ones.

I know and appreciate this blog has helped many women, but it isn’t all that sustains me. I have a wonderful daughter who is here for me every day. I am respectful and mindful that her life has changed because of mesh. To give you an idea, she turned to me when driving along in the car yesterday and said “I really miss you being able to drive”. She was tired and would have liked it if I could have taken over the wheel. But my injuries and extreme vertigo makes it dangerous for me to do so and we both know that part of my life may never return. I know I am more fortunate than many and I am mindful and grateful.

I do not know what will happen this year, but I know I can work at moving forward and not let anyone else control my life. There will always be another lesson to learn and another painful discovery that people are not always as you first perceive them, but I will remember my daughter’s young and wise words. I cannot change them, I can only change me. Life lesson learned? When life hands you lemons you will learn how to make lemonade and you will be fine.

Happy New Year may be a stretch at times when it comes to mesh injuries, but we can work on it. With love. Linda

12 Comments

  1. Jen

    I appreciate your honesty Linda, it has saved my life.
    Happy New Year my sweet friend!

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Thank you Jen.

      Reply
  2. Nancy Mikitka

    Linda, Happy New Year to you and Kim. I can truly resonate with what you have written above. I too was raised to be resourceful and to make do with what I had. Like you, I have many years that have taught me about relationships. When I was young I was very trusting and open…I had to learn a valuable lesson when I was 35 years old. I was told by a wise counselor to always remember this about people with whom I came into contact…Some people are in your life for a reason, some people are in your life for a season and some are in your life for your lifetime. I have gone on to expound on this principle to include when I am first in contact with people and am asked a personal question, I internally ask myself, why does this person want to know what they are asking…and will my answering their question be of some help to them or are they just wanting to know for their own use or are they just being nosey?. I choose to answer them based on what I feel intuitively. I have found these principles have helped me to navigate through life a little better.

    I am so thankful for all you have shared with me and not only me, but others. Your life has made a huge difference in mine and I am so grateful to call you a friend…albeit a long distance one. Hopefully someday, we will be able to meet in person and I will be able to give you a big hug for all that you mean to me.

    Love,
    Nancy

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Nancy, you are a very wise woman.

      Reply
  3. Jane Akre

    I believe Linda K is a hero!! Or should I say heroine! I so appreciate her calm reasoned approach always with the “good” of the community in mind. I’ve never known her to gossip or pass on rumors or innuendo just fact-based information based on her own research and the hundreds if not thousands of women she’s talked to. She is just a good person and mesh injured women are lucky to have such a wealth of information in my opinion! Carry on Linda! I hope 2014 finds you a return to vibrant health!

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Jane thank you very much.

      Reply
  4. Sandy

    Hi Linda,
    I feel so sad about all that i am reading. I found you blog while i was searching for what to do about my pro-lapces problem. At this point i have done nothing so far and now i am wondering if there is anything that can be done.
    Maybe this is something i have to live with and from what i am hearing i could be much much worse. It is shocking to read about all the abuses that have been done by Doctors. I am so grateful to find your site because i was
    hearing that the mesh was the way to go and it was all good just need to find a good Doctor to do it. well i think not now, it is not worth the gamble.
    Thank you so much I will pray for you and everyone on your site May the Lord bless you and supply all your needs.
    Sincerely,
    Sandy

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Sandy if you make an appointment with Dr. Raz at UCLA he can fix your prolapse without mesh. I just spoke to a woman who had hers fixed recently and he did it, mesh free.

      Reply
  5. gina

    Has anyone had surgery with Dr. Margolis? Where did you stay I’m having it done in Burlingame, CA I will definitely let everyone know how it goes. I know will give as much information as I can. I’m so happy I found this site! It has educated me and helped me research and find a good doctor!

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Gina, I am under the impression from others that he cannot remove the anchors. You need to research your type of mesh and then ask many questions. That is all I know.

      Reply
  6. JudithL

    Thank you so much for all of the great information. You have truly suffered but keep on plugging (and blogging) away!

    You mentioned “anchors” a few times and I am wondering if there could be anchors with a tvt-o.
    About a year and a half ago I had a 5 cm piece of mesh removed to “release” it and ease the pain. During that surgery they discovered that the mesh was wrapped around my pubic bone. I have found the doctors didn’t even want to acknowledge there was erosion. Finally a nurse told me that I wasn’t crazy and I had erosion. The partial removal gave me a temporary relief but the pain is back full force stronger than ever. I am told it is probably scar tissue and the 5 cm piece they removed should have fixed problem. I don’t think so because it feels like the mesh before they released it.
    The mesh was inserted through my groin area and after reading your blog I am realizing that is why I have such pain in my groin and thighs. I can’t thank you enough. I am now 53 years old and I feel like I’ve aged 20 years in the past few years. This new year I am going to make decisions to stop this insanity and take steps to have this removed. Please forgive me for going on so long but what a relief to be able to say this and not be judged as if I’m completely insane. Thank you again!

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Judith yes this type of sling does have anchors and those anchors are undoubtedly causing your pain. Few doctors can remove them and I suggest you go to UCLA to see Dr. Raz. Until the anchors are removed your pain will continue.

      Reply

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