My Fascia Sling Surgery Part Sixteen

The depths of despair and the wonder and power of mesh injured sisters.

Several hours ago I got some news and I had to spring into action. But my brain was so sleep deprived because of the changes in my bladder issues that I couldn’t think and wondered what my future will be. Even writing is a strain and I don’t want to. But I have to. I have to make the world believe that mesh can take you from a normal happy life to a life of devastation. No more covering this up! No more suffering in silence. This story has to be told and regardless of what it costs me, and I will tell it.

I knew something was wrong. But what? I have gone from a woman who was healthy and had no illness of any sort to a woman who has many issues to deal with. My mind is a jumble of possibilities and none seem good right now. It is after two in the morning when I first began writing this and I had had less than four hours of sleep before I had to turn on all the lights, get up on the bed and do self cath. Then I am awake and tired out. I am a mess.

Everyone thinks I am strong but right now I don’t feel it. I am just trying to get through each day and wonder what to do next? That is the legacy of bladder sling mesh. It ruins your life. There is no up side to the complications, only down. There is no easy fix.

I finally got through to Dr. Kim that something is not right and I now have a date to get tests and surgery at UCLA once again. Life is never easy and then once it was set, other complications arose. Flight, hotel and all the things associated with going to UCLA. I tried hard to get the one test changed so as to move it all closer together but to no avail. So I have to figure out what to do. I will have the first test at 8 am on Monday June 24th which is the urodynamics. 8 am means I must fly in on Saturday so as to be sure I am there. Any flight delay means I won’t be and everything could be cancelled. Wasted money and wasted time, let alone waiting longer. Then I have nothing until July 1st for a cystocopy and surgery on July 2nd. I will flight out alone because my daughter gets raging headaches for weeks after flying, from infected sinus. It took her a few weeks of nonstop headaches this last time to get over it and I don’t want to put her through it again. Her life has been complicated enough by mesh. I don’t want her to wind up with a serious illness because of me.

A few days ago I received an email from a woman who is only twenty-seven years old. She is raising young children and now has a prolapsed bladder. She went to the doctor and of course he told her he could fix that in an instant with a sling. She decided to research on her own and came across this blog. She is horrified. She begged for help so I enlisted the help of a mesh injured friend who was a nurse practitioner before her injuries. She has always taken the young women because many have been terribly mesh injured and without the right surgeon they lose the partners, lifestyle and some have lost their children. So it was imperative that this young woman had someone to talk to. My friend will do this over the phone and learn if she is closer to the right doctor, has insurance etc; We will always be afraid for her. She is very vulnerable right now.

This blog still works every day giving women the truth. Not just my truth but the truth of all those who are mesh injured. Most women have found a way to get out to UCLA and seek help. It is never easy. Learning also means taking time to digest the information and then enlisting the help to get out there both emotionally and financially.

I never believed that when I began beating on a keyboard because of my own injured frustrations that I would be beginning a vast network of women helping women. But I watch it in awe. This past week this network of women has also been my saving grace. Only mesh injured women understand other mesh injured women and what they deal with.

Over the past few days I have had to digest much information. I have cried many tears but I know those are only relieving my anger and sadness. I had to read, think and digest regardless of what I feel. As I digested I have also realized that now I am a prisoner of my own body. I can’t leave the house except in short spells. There are reasons and I will explain why.

You all know by now that the mesh was in me two years and seven months before Dr. Raz removed it all. I finally have my records and read how difficult it was for him to unpick the mesh from my nerves and muscles. It is a miracle he was able to do it. But I am still mesh injured. Thankfully now I don’t use a walker ever. I only use a walking stick when I leave the house. I don’t use pain meds and my diligence in taking certain B vitamins to help the injured nerves has paid off trememdously. I have hope for a better recovery although I will never be perfect. I am sure the nerve damage will never completely go away and I will learn to accept it. Until then I will keep trying to do more to have a better life. But now there are new obstacles and at this point I don’t know if I can overcome them.

Almost eight weeks ago I went out to UCLA for a fourth surgery. The purpose was to try to change my situation with excessive incontinence. Like many, many women incontinence was never an issue for me before, but the sling surgery was added on to a rectocele repair. I never understood what it was that was put inside me and only when I began immediate problems did I begin digging. And here I am today, still digging for information that can help me. The second purpose for this surgery was that once the removal incontinence was taken care of I could begin physical therapy on my leg. Now everything is on hold and I will be hoping for a better outcome this next surgery. I have to go out there regardless of financial worries. I have to try to change my new mess.

You see now I cannot urinate at all on my own. My bladder capacity had diminished with the sling because my bladder was held far too tight over a long period and it stayed that way. A normal bladder holds 400 to 500 ccs. Mine holds a max of 280 ccs. If you find a container with cc measurements put water in it and see how little that is. It is quite shocking.

So now the problem is my bladder cannot have any relief unless I self cath. Dr. Kim recommended every three hours. This is because any longer can push my bladder to its limits. I have found I produce more urine during the night than during the day. I am slowest in the morning which means I could stretch it to the max of four hours if I am lucky. What happens when my bladder is full, I am sure you want to know. I feel extreme tenseness across my abdomen and pressure. I have to get it out……… The soonest I do, the sooner I feel better.

This month I will turn sixty-six. I am not longer agile because I can’t do all the things I used to do. I have a right leg that screams when I raise it at odd angles. It is in my groin where the nerves are. The last Houston urologist, a man, hit a raw nerve when he told me that doing self cath is so easy. He is a man with a penis whom he can grab and see where to put the catheter in. It is easily accessible. He is also a compassionless man with no heart who puts slings in women all the time. This was his own admission although he says none have any complications. Obviously he is perfect. But if that is the case then how does he know about how easy it is for women to do self cath? Yes it makes you wonder.

I wish I could raise one leg up, prop it on the toilet and put the catheter in as he suggested it should happen with such ease. Not so when you are already mesh injured. So I have to prop pillows behind me on the bed, get everything prepared including a mirror on a stand that I can move at various angels. You see I am also near sighted. This means that I need glasses to watch TV or long distance. I don’t need them up close. So when I get my legs in position glasses don’t help me because it is not far away enough and I can’t see well because of the lack of closeness. I know it sounds odd but I have tried to figure it out, but can’t do any better than to just not wear them when I self cath.

I have a tray beside me on the other half of my queen size bed. It holds baby wipes which I first used one to thoroughly clean myself. I have a container to drop anything used to throw away. After cleaning I have small pads normally used for removing makeup. I add iodine solution onto the pad and I use my left hand to open my folds and then put the iodine to cleanse to avoid infection. I then sanitize my hands from a bottle I also keep on that tray. I next take a self catheter and break the seal to release the fluid that will make it lubricate. I open the packet far enough to be able to pull it out. Then I lay it aside. Next I open the folds again with my left hand and spray Vetericyn directly on the area so that I avoid pushing any bacteria inside when I self cath. (I wrote about this a few blogs ago and will leave the link in a moment) The I carefully find the right hole to push the catheter in while making sure my mirror is at the right angle and the container is in the right place to make sure I don’t have urine going on my bed. To protect my bed I use a throw away mat under a towel. I found the cheapest mats are ones from the dollar stores that are used to train puppies. Waterproof on the back and absorbent on the front. I drain quickly because I do not have much capacity to hold urine and therefore it is very fast.

This is the blog about Vetericyn. http://meshangels.com/2013/06/those-really-difficult-infections

I get up and take everything through to my bathroom to wash with soap and water. I am meticulous at cleaning up after myself because I am a woman and very self conscious of smell and germs. I then put on fresh underwear with a protection pad because if I get full and then walk, I will begin to leak. I never leak enough to help ease the bladder discomfort if I am very full.

If I go and sit on the toilet I have to relax and never push and I will do a small amount. 35 to 50 ccs. Not enough for any relief. It never gets better.

Yes, this is all graphic, perhaps to some disgusting. For me and many mesh injured women it is hell………….

I am now a prisoner of my body. I live out in the countryside which I love, but driving to anywhere takes time. To leave the house I have to calculate time both ways and watch the clock to know how close my next self cath will be. I have to think about any inevitable. Traffic hold up and other things can happen. I am afraid to push it. Doctor’s appointments must be planned for everything. Travel and waiting time. I worry…………..

Visiting friend or going to the movies is out. Not enough time to drive, visit or watch a show and get back. No day trips. Wherever I go there must be a bed where I can get up and relieve myself. No one would like it f I said “Can I use your bed to relieve myself?” It would be absurd. So these past few days the reality of a failed fascia sling that does not allow me to go, has set in. I can’t believe this has happened.

So what now? I don’t know what can be done but I have to go out to UCLA, take those tests and see. I have envisioned many horrors and have taken myself down to the depths of despair. I have read up on things they do when you can’t go. They do something called a Urostomy Surgical Procedure. This is the link. http://www.clinimed.co.uk/Stoma-Care/Stoma-Surgery/Urostomy-Surgery.aspx

The terrible part of this is the fact that these procedures are performed because of bladder cancer and they too have their own complications. Yet no one recognizes that this can happen because of bladder sling mesh.

I am hoping things won’t go that far. But I am afraid………….. As I age I won’t be able to self cath and unless Dr. Kim can open the path for me to go I am screwed. I have been living in a catch twenty two since the day bladder sling mesh was put into me. You have pain, you do nothing it worsens. You have infections; you do nothing antibiotics stop working and if infections get serious enough you can die. You have the mesh removed and according to how damaged you are, you can have extreme incontinence. So extreme you can’t leave the house for fear of drowning yourself and anything you sit on, regardless of the amount of pads you load into your underwear. You carry many items with you to make sure you don’t feel embarrassed. You can never relax.

So I hoped for the best. I did the fascia sling surgery so that I could have a better future. But I never seem to have good luck. Things are worse. I am ruled by my bladder functions.

After I heard from Dr. Kim that I was going to go back out for tests and possible surgery, (nothing is guaranteed) I panicked. Financially mesh complications drain you. I needed a hotel and it is over the July 4th holiday. I knew the odds were not good to get in at the Tiverton, but I called and hoped. Nothing available. I tried other hotels in walking distance. Odd days were available but I needed two weeks. I reached out and asked if anyone knew of a place to stay close by UCLA. Lots of suggestions came in, but many women don’t realize that distance is everything. I cannot drive anymore. Walking distances is very far is hard for me. Getting on and off of public transport means more climbing on and off which exacerbates the right leg nerve injury. I am slow.

I was feeling so down and then the phone rang. A mesh injured friend who I have helped through for a long time while waiting for her surgery on the 28th of this month said she wanted me to stay in the room with her. She was adamant. But she has sisters who will come and go to care for her. How could anyone put up with someone turning on the lights two or three times a night to do self cath up on a bed. I was horrified. I explained to her how I felt. She told me not to be such a ‘Brit’. She made me laugh. Then she told me what she had to do to pee or have a bowel movement and believe me she has it bad. I knew her surgery was going to be a bad one because she is so messed up.

I sat and cried at her compassion for me, and I accepted her offer. It won’t be easy but I have to have a roof over my head with transport or walking distance to UCLA. There is a free shuttle that goes back and forth from the Tiverton to the hospital.

I have no clue how all this will work out. I worry about everything. I don’t know if a fifth surgery will help me at all. I worry how many more surgeries are in my future.

I have ports from a PICC IV hanging from my upper arm while treating the awful bug pseudomonas. I hope I can clear it before yet another surgery.

I look back to just over a week ago when I saw that last male urologist. He said something that now rings loud and clear. “I’ve never heard of anyone having any complications from such a small piece of mesh from a bladder sling”. Is he blind, deaf or dumb? Or purely ignorant? That small piece of mesh wipes out women’s lives and he is continuing to add to the piles of injured bodies.

I am forever grateful for the women who help other women through these terrible times and now they are helping me. There truly is some good in life.

My journey continues…………

 

14 Comments

  1. Cherie Storozinski

    Linda I hope you find some relief and some normal soon.

    When I first had mesh complications your blog was one of the first and only site I found.

    Your advice helped me.

    Take care.

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Cherie I am glad what I write helped you.

      Reply
  2. Nancy Mikitka

    Thank the Lord, Linda, He is making a way for you. I, like many others, will continue to pray for Him to direct Dr. Kim/Dr. Raz to fix you once and for all so your body can finally heal and you can get on with your life. (((hugs)))

    Reply
  3. SojournerPA

    By any chance would the university have any room to offer you during the summer recess? I am thinking that sometimes colleges and universities have accommodations for visitors and/or dorm captain rooms may have their own private bathroom. Also, would your insurance provide you with a visiting nurse to help you during your stay should another surgery be needed?

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Hopefully things will now be taken care of.

      Reply
  4. batya sarah

    I am praying this works out for you. Is Dr. Raz going to assist Dr. Kim?
    I feel like staying at ucla and getting a mesh house for all of us. I am worried I will have the same issues as you Linda. I can’t reach or see to self cath. I am so sorry you have to.
    Hugs,
    BS

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Batya sarah All we can do is take this one step at a time. I am hoping you will be mesh free and continent. Regardless, mesh free is a start.

      Reply
  5. JC

    Linda,

    You will be in my prayers this evening! You are living such a nightmare right now and I hope that it ends soon and you have some positive news and a brighter future. I know you are worried! I hope God hears our prayers for you and all other mesh survivors!

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Thank you JC. I am a fighter and always get up regardless of how down I get.

      Reply
  6. Chelsea

    Linda, first and foremost I am forever and I mean forever grateful for your blog. I searched for 2 years, all over the Internet, speaking with people and after I had scheduled my surgery to have a partial removal I found your blog. Call it luck, but not me I call it a miracle, a blessing. I was scheduled for a consultation on August 7th. Last week my husband and I had our 17h wedding anniversary. On a whim we decided to take our kids to Disneyland and San Diego. I called Dr. Raz office just to see if there was a cancellation. To my surprise there was one, I couldn’t believe it and neither could they. Again, call it luck, I don’t. I now have an appointment for surgery on November 7, testing on the 5th and 6th! I am excited and extremely nervous. I have had enough. My body is shutting down and it’s killing my morale. I am so sorry for your pain and heartache. I believe with all my heart that you will be beyond blessed for what you have done for so many people. It is difficult to,deal with so many trials and tribulations on this earth. I have had my share since the age of 2. This life is far from fair, but I also believe it will be made fair in the following life. These are my beliefs and opinions only. I know that by serving others as you have done your misery on this earth will be beyond comprehension. After all, isn’t this what this life is all about? Serving others, being kind, helping others in need, giving of yourself. All attributes you have. Keep your chin up and know that you have changed lives forever. All my love, Chelsea

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Chelsea, I call it diligence. You are determined to live a better life and you have made every effort to make things happen that will take you down a path that you can feel well again. It seems a long wait until November but it will come amazingly fast. And we will be here for you if things get desperate. We want you to live again. Hugs.

      Reply
  7. Chelsea

    I meant to say your misery on this earth will lead to blessings in the next life beyond your comprehension!

    Reply
  8. RR

    Hi,Linda, I understand SO much how you can be so hopeful after a mesh surgery and then learn MORE things are going on and have to make more trips than you ever thought possible!. DON’T give up!, I’ve come close the last few months myself. Yes, this is RR as I put down because of legal people telling me to.BUT you know me since I’m in a close by state and we’ve talked so many times. I go for my Inter-Stem on June 24th and will have it put in permanently July 1st.. Perhaps if the Good Lord is willing we can finally meet although I KNOW not in the best of circumstances!. I’m the one you wrote the kind article 12yr of Mesh HELL now a Powerful Beam of Hope I think is how you titled it?

    . When I had my mesh out in Oct after nearly 12YRS! of it being in me, making huge masses one around and around my urethra which is why I COULD never empty my whole bladder and STILL cannot! One mass had got into my right leg muscles and I found myself using a cane the last 6 months and barely able to walk at all. The next day I could walk and it was a real PTL. Dr. R was so excited and I was too, we thought the removal of the mesh might cause healing would take time but healing of it too would come! Then as months went by and my pain NEVER got better I had to go out for my 3rd visit this yr and have the many tests you talk of.

    To my disgust although I cannot say complete surprise! he told me I had bits of mesh in my nerves so tiny they can NEVER be removed.T0 finally hear those word PERMANENTLY NERVE damaged did take me a while to digest. He then told me my ONLY hope of having less pain was the Inter Stem. I too had to go to the hospital right after the stupid sling was put in 12 yrs ago, I wore a catheter home and when the first Dr. told me to unhook it I could NOT Self Cath. I ended up going to the emergency room! Then a small petite nurse at the Dr.s Office SHOWED me how to which PLUS my husband! And as you say is NOT easy.!~ I injured myself on more than one occasion trying.
    I STILL can urinate the best when laying down! I understand that completely!
    ..I can NEVER empty my bladder nearly enough by sitting on a toilet. So I do what I can, lay down and release into several MAXI TENA overnight pads!

    From Feb to now I too have had MANY moments I thought what the HECK!:? My husband has put up with all this 12yrs and we have to go out a 4th time for a 2nd (3rd) operation that MAY help? But I know Dr. Raz is the ONLY one who could have removed the HUGE MESH MESS that was in me for 12yrs and took him nearly 3 hrs to do so! I read the papers and saw how many ways he had to go at it to get the largest mass removed on my left and the one on my right removed from my right leg muscles they had invaded. And of course the Thick as your finger mesh that had wrapped around and around my urethra letting me know NO WONDER I could never sit and never completely empty my bladder either!

    Since coming home after the Oct surgery and Feb; round of tests I kept having fevers off and on. I wonder if the rest of my LIFE I will continue to have infections:? like DR. R. found I did but my own home Doctor of almost 30 yrs never diagnosed me with? And of course after taking antibiotics over and over as I have my whole life because of serious problems as a child, now my whole immune system is DOWN. I talked to you Linda about a root canal I had to have done because I had skipped my 6 month cleaning this last yr and put it off to a yr. IN that yr a tooth that had NO CAVITY at all was HALF cavity very close to my nerve. The new dentist who had taken over for the one I had for yrs. said it was SO close to the nerve I needed a root canal. I believed him because every cavity I ever had soon had to have one. He also said how I had had some bone loss and needed a deep scale cleaning because of a real chance gum disease would make me soon lose teeth! So I had the root canal, the new dentist had an assistant put on a METAL temporary cap, my body was allergic to! A sore formed on my gum and started oozing pus by the time I saw him Monday after no being able to reach him Thurs or Friday because they were closed. He saw me Monday came in and said “WELL I HAVE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE!” Something you want NO new or Old dentist or Doctor to say. I said WELL YOU HAVE NOW! I think it is this metal cap!, the old dentist NEVER used them I am allergic to so many metals! They removed the temporary metal one, made a plastic one and the girl said whoever had done it had mashed the metal cap over my gum and tooth instead of directly down on my tooth! I was given a SUPER strong antibiotic which cleared my gums in a few days but made my never ending fight with THRUSH much worse.

    I have taken Pro-biotics and all the other supplements you have suggested Linda and still no help when more antibiotics are added! I remembered getting a bad case of thrush yrs ago for the 1st time, I tried EVERYTHING prescribed and not!. I at the time owned a small cabin with my husband, the well water had sulfur in it. I gargled with it a few times and although it tasted nasty using it to wash my teeth etc. My tongue was getting better! and MY mouth!. SO I found a jug of this water we still had and have started using it. IT WORKS when nothing else DOES! Those old springs they had for cures, they were not wrong on them all! Something as simple as sulfur well water has helped me deal with the awful thrush!.

    We leave next week for the 4th time in one yr for my 2nd surgery which is done in two parts. The first part Dr. R connects the Inter-Stem to my bladder and pelvic nerves in HOPES of helping my NON stop chronic pain and spasms ANY.! My personal DR. has NEVER believed Dr. R. despite his calls and emails and has cut my pain meds TWICE since FEB!, and he never would EVER give me the amount and kind he said to. FINALLY he gave me the kind but not amount. He said from the beginning “I DON’T care WHAT THAT Dr. OUT there says I AM NOT GIVING YOU THAT TYPE of pain medicine and amount! YOU SHOULD BE WELL!” I just grit my teeth as I was getting all the final paperwork from him for the surgery I will have soon, not wanting to switch Primaries mid stream. But I know when I return I most likely will HAVE to!

    Linda HAVE you tried a swimming pool at all????? THAT IS THE only thing that got back ANY of my sanity! Because in a swimming pool I have NO PAIN because there is NO PRESSURE ON MY NERVES! Our pool has been open a little over 2 weeks and the HEAVEN of an hr or so each day in it PAIN FREE
    I am not able to describe in words! And I have been doing my physical therapy exercises EVERY day in it to try to get as strong as possible for this next surgery! I was SO WEAK and out of shape after not walking and the mesh surgery etc. and trips over 1500 miles as you know! But I have slowly got some back! PLUS Always lose weight each time a WELCOME bonus! since swimming or just moving around in the pool! burns up MORE calories than ANY exercise other than Cross Country Skiing! And it is so much better on your joints etc. yet gets your muscles working and loosens muscles nerves etc to RELAX! IF at all possible PLEASE try to get to a pool? to see if you get any relief at all!

    Also I remember having urination problems after the birth of my oldest Daughter, THAT was back in the days they would NOT let you return home with a catheter! I wanted to go home and found out I COULD urinate in a sitz bath! Sometimes I can do that NOW in a regular bath and it has helped me a lot on the self-cathing! I do that, take a shower afterwards and am thankful it is ONE way I can save having to self cath! Which they say the more you do the harder on you it is! a catch 22 situation I for sure!

    But I know I have to have faith and know if ANY man can do the Inter-Stem and I have a chance at some relief of this pain it WILL be Dr. R who GOD has his hand on! I don’t like to think of the future if it doesn’t help at all! I have missed our sons wedding a little over one yr ago, our youngest grandchild’s 1st & 2nd birthday etc etc! And even going out to eat is too much! Getting to Dr. Appointments is enough! makes things worse a day or two after~! But soon at least I will have ONE last chance at less NON STOP PAIN AND SPASMS! IF GOD Wills it will be a blessing for sure to have ANY LESSENING after 12long yrs exactly this month! If not I will have to find another Dr. here to prescribe me pain pills that work at all!

    We are in the worst financial shape we’ve been in since our marriage 18yrs ago as we both had to pay for ex spouses bills, kept our own kid(s) made a blended family with God help, counseling and others. But our exes didn’t pay child support and we had to pay MANY OF their debts right or wrong! We have ONE credit card left with Any left to charge gas on to once again drive our RV out SO I can lay in bed in the back. BIG improvement from the first 1500 miles trip with me laying in the back of a van on an air mattress!

    We still are SO blessed by the lovely family of another mesh survivor who opened their hearts and doors and let us park our RV each time, gives us spiritual support and lends us a car! Good friends now and True Angels God had waiting for us a family for sure in perhaps more than one way as I am Norwegian and they all are! An Oasis in the BIG metropolis area of L.A. for the two of us from the land of TWISTERS!

    I have continued spreading the word whenever I can, I personally have persuaded 5 people from NOT getting a mesh sling! But there have been times I have BEEN SO down and depressed I didn’t want to pull anyone down with me and couldn’t talk for a while to them. I now am trying to focus on myself until we get there after next week! And try to support my husband who has tried so hard and been through this all with me! I will gladly share again with anyone after the surgery good or bad! Hang in there LINDA without reaching your hand out to me a yr ago I wouldn’t be walking and LORD knows WHAT else the incredible MESH monster that had a mind of it’s own for 12 yrs would have done!

    You and I are from an area of survivors-as the story of the elderly lady who had just barely survived the AWFUL tornado in Moore OK. Close to many of my husband’s relatives. SHE HAD LOST everything, had two prayers 1.to get out alive and 2. her little dog also! She said the Lord had answered the first one, then there on camera for the country to see she found under the many piles or RUBBLE everywhere that used to be homes, a whimper and taking up pieces of metal herself with arms cut from the storm she FOUND her little dog in one piece! She declared the LORD had answered BOTH her prayers and was SO grateful.THAT was her only wish!

    There in front of America they saw it happen.SHE had the one thing NO MONEY can buy LOVE from the one other loving living thing with her. her little dog!She was happy despite the ruins and mayhem around her. THAT IS what we have to look for!The small miracles that happen in this Mayhem! KEEP trying One day AT a Time! as they say and I’ve repeated over and over many many yrs of my life I have over 22 such yrs now, those of you in 12step programs understand what I mean.

    God Grant Me the Serenity
    To Accept the Things I Cannot Change
    The Courage To Change The Things I Can
    And The Wisdom To Know The Difference!

    (****Then for the complete prayer AS it was written IS this 2nd part!****)

    Living one day at a time;
    Enjoying one moment at a time;
    Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
    Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.
    Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
    That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
    and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

    AMEN

    Blessings, Linda and all out there! Be praying for you as you all have been for me.We will be there at the same time Linda in spirit if we don’t meet physically. But you have my number call it ANYTIME! Blessings, R.R.

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      RR I know your journey has been so long and difficult. Everything you say makes sense and I know you do so much to help yourself keep going on your journey. We will meet while we are both out there. It’s been a long time coming. There are going to be many women out there with new ones having removal and you will be of comfort or their fears. Many are very sick. Take far more probiotics than you think you need whenever you take any antibiotics. In my next chapter of dealing with this I write about how many I am taking to try to stay well. XXX

      Reply

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *