My Fascia Sling Surgery Part Twelve

I am sick of being sick! I am sick of doctors and mesh manufacturers who continue to destroy women’s lives, while saying “It is not the mesh”. “I have never seen this with YOUR type of sling and I put them in everyday” I am sick of the FDA who is bowled over by mesh manufacturers and paid physicians who testify that these products help women, while all the time women’s lives are going downhill. I am sick of all of you………….

It is almost two in the morning and I keep trying to sleep but wake up with bladder pain and I have to go. I lay here wondering what is wrong with the medical field in this country. Why, when we live in what is supposed to be the richest country in the world, do we all lie in bed in pain?

Yesterday morning I met another urologist who truly does not want to help mesh women. Oh, it wasn’t like he said he didn’t. He never actually refused me treatment, but he never took charge and suggested any either. He did a lot of talking and very little listening. I was out of his examining room in fifteen minutes, the fastest I have EVER been in any doctors examining room. That may sound like a good thing, but I felt like I was rushed outside his door in attempts to get rid of me as quickly as possible. What’s more, he never suggested a follow up or setting dates for the tests Dr. Raz wanted me to have done when I feel better.

Over the past four weeks Medicare and my supplement health insurance has been billed thousands of dollars. But it is not thousands well spent. In fact over this past four weeks my condition has worsened and deteriorated. And sadly the only doctor who seems to care is thousands of miles away in Los Angeles. Dr. Raz has answered my pleas for help and has suggested I should be hospitalized and given IV antibiotics to clear this infection. He knows what should happen, but who will do it on this end? I don’t know if it is at all possible.

What I got out of my trip to the new urologist, the third urologist I had seen in four weeks, was that he removed the catheter while telling me I could have done it myself. Of course I could and I have done it before but Dr. Kim wanted me to go to a urologist so that they would make sure if I could go or not urinate and then take charge if I couldn’t.

After he removed it, he acted like he was done. I then told him that I had not had a proper follow up examination since his last surgery to see if I had healed. He said okay, did a quick one and said he could feel a couple of stitches, but I would be fine. He then said to get up and get dressed.

He was not mean to me. He just talked a lot about how he had NEVER seen a problem with TVT slings before and he did not understand why. After all it was a small piece of mesh. He had put many in and had not seen a problem. He was seeing one right then! ME! And he still did not see anything wrong with these slings. What did one woman’s body in front of him mean? Nothing! How many other bodies had stood before him and said “I am in pain”. I have no doubt others had. Was that why I was ushered away from his office so quickly?

This ‘small’ piece of mesh has done so much damage to my life. It has left a healthy woman unhealthy. A woman who did everything, now a cripple and does nothing. It aged me ten years in three. So what is small about this mesh? I want to wrap this small piece of mesh up inside his penis and see if he thought there was a problem now. Of course they would not have any mesh inside their own bodies.

Before I left his nurse handed me three self catheters ‘just in case’ I couldn’t go. Three! No prescription for more. Just three! “We’ll set yu up if you need more” he said. “You have to use a catheter to self cath 2 to 3 times a day” he said. So what was I supposed t use after one day? They aren’t sold on every block. You have to find somewhere who sells them and then drive miles to get them. But I was given three!

I asked to be re-taught how to self cath because it had been a long time since I did it. “Oh we can do that” he said. “But we can’t find the mirror to show you. We had the mirror but now it is gone”. That was the end of any teaching session.

I asked if I should stay for awhile to see if I could go. His answer was. “You can if you want but the waiting room is uncomfortable. You can go out for lunch and come back if you have a problem”.

I thought. “Out for lunch? I have not been able to urinate for six weeks on my own and have had a catheter in my body all that time. This is not a ladies day out. I don’t want lunch, I want help”.

I told my daughter to take me home. What could I do there? Nothing!

When I got home I emailed Dr. Raz and Dr. Kim. I told Dr. Raz I am tired of trying to get help on my own and I am sick of being a throw away patient by these doctors and left to figure things out by myself.

Where do I go from here? I am clutching at straws. I will leave messages with the nurse practitioner and home health care people in the morning. At least they care. I sent Dr. Raz my new PCP’s phone number. I told him she will help me but she will need instructions as to what to do. I will get my daughter to take me to the ER once again and see if they will help me get the care I need. Surely, surely someone will listen and do something to help me.

I want to scream out loud, but who will listen to my screams? This journey is increasingly long and it is tiring. I want answers……….




  1. Carmel Berry

    I am listening. I just cannot help. But I care.

    1. lavalinda

      Thanks Carmel. It is nice to hear that from across the world.

  2. DebC

    So sorry Linda. This is so not right. I wish there was something i could do, but I’m at a loss. There had to be someone I’m your area willing to help. This is ridiculous. I wish Dr. Raz knew someone in each area to refer us to that would listen to reason…

    1. lavalinda

      Deb, it has been an awful week of realizing that doctors no longer help people as they did in the old days. It has been heart wrenching to find this out, but the doctors who are decent, do work harder to help us. My treatment will be in progress tomorrow.


Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *