Don’t Stop Living because of Mesh

Today my blog is nothing to do with mesh and yet it is.  I deal with the sadness of others every day and I refuse to stop living my life because of it.  I have things I love to do and although they may be hampered by what has happened to me, I still find a way to do them.

For those of you who suffer I want you remember this.  Don’t be defined by mesh.  Keep living.  Find your passion and do something every day no matter how small it is.

For me, the simplest of things make me smile.  I enjoy my surroundings and look beyond what has happened to me.  I live out in the countryside and often stare at the giant oak tree behind my house.   It has been growing a long time and has weathered storms and drought.  It still stands strong and tall and reminds me every day to do the same.

I am alive and you are alive.  Life is for living.

One of my many passions is writing poetry.  This is one I wrote that is especially poignant for what has happened to us and yet we choose how we live.

Choices

If I said, “Make history”
“Each and every day”
“Don’t take life for granted”
“Don’t throw your life away”

Would you even listen?
Perhaps you wouldn’t care
Could I make you understand?
A dream I want to share?

That life is meant for living
Don’t sit and take up space
Tell the world, “I’ve been on earth”
“Remember me, my face”

Of course they’ll be a struggle
To take a stand and say
“I’ll live my life the way I choose”
“And it will be ‘my way’ “

Sometimes it will be scary
To stand alone and choose
You’d rather follow ‘well-made paths’
But if you do, you’ll loose

The very best is yet to come
And they’ll be times you’ll fall
So choose the course that serves ‘You’ best
And you will stand up tall

Remember every breath you take
Should fill your lungs with life
You don’t deserve to waste a day
Filled with hurt and strife

For life is filled with choices
And if you step aside
Someone else will choose for you
And it won’t be ‘your ride’

Now here’s the dream I share with you
Enjoy each breath you take
The choice is yours, so choose your path
There’s so much ‘life’ at stake

So don’t take pills to dull the ache
Don’t drink to end the pain
Life is far too precious
You won’t be back again

Make a change today and smile
Say “Yes, I’ll stand and fight”
Others soon will share your joy
And then you’ll be all right

Copyright 2013

Linda Kilpatrick
I never gave up no matter how hard I had to fight.  I always chose to live.

6 Comments

  1. nadine

    Linda again that is words of courage for us living in this lonley exsistance where we have lost everything and most days the worest is to lose hope. I have allways struggled with depression and yes, I am a cutter and a burner but those have not happened in a long time. Not since my relapse on alchol in 2011 but yet it is all I think about because I can control that pain rather than that inside my heart and body. I do not use illegal drugs nor do I drink anymore since sept of 2011 but I am forced to take medicine to help me “recover” yet they stop working and pain management is now needed but not found yet found. I am suppose to be in UVA pain management by now but still no word from doctors but hopefully soon.
    I just wantted to add this to tell of what to me, it feels like to loose total hope and live in despair. Yes I have allways had deep issues of depression, PTSD, and sever anxiety and panic attacks from my past. But to loose hope as many times as I have since mesh is more than I have ever lost even when the worset of things happened to me when I was 15 compare only slightly to what daily life is like now. See I still had hope to be an animal control officer, or work in a zoo one day, maybe be a psycologist, or even best dream to live in Africa with my son and open a place to heal those sick from human harm and the ever dying grass lands that are getting smaller for those animals there because the human race grows ever larger. But those things I will never do again. Those dreams are destroyed by remains inside mesh that remains inside me
    One thing I do each day is look at something or do something i enjoy so despair doesnt reach me for those moments and today i am up early due to pain but i wait the longest I can till I tak any meds but yet I was deemed relapsed by a judge and my only source of love and joy, my son, was taken again. But today I listen to the rain drops because I love the rai. I love to open a window when it drizzles and just lay comfy and warm in a bed and sleep but I can not sleep today for it hurts too much. But I can still snuggle hear and listen while i drink my coffee and yes have a smoke because even though its very bad and may cause more damage with the mesh it calms me and its hard to stop.
    My whole point was your poem is beautiful and i too like to write but my best ones come when i am sad. And there have been days that if I did not have a child, I would have ended it allready but I can not if there is hope for him to have a mommy and for others to learn from my story and yours linda we love you as allways.

    Reply
  2. Eden

    Hi Linda – A friend directed me to your blog. I have an appt. with Dr. Raz in two months…but I have hernia mesh, not TVT mesh. I have some problems from it that have wandered into those parts of me, but the mesh is in a different place. Do you know anyone who has had hernia mesh taken out by Dr. Raz? It’s a looooong, expensive flight for me to CA but I’m really suffering and will go if he is the right person for this too. Thanks for having this blog. I’m so tired and I hurt and I feel so alone. Thanks for any help you can give me.

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      When mesh migrates it can go into the colon, bladder and other areas and causes hell. Obviously something like this has happened to you. He removes any mesh but the difference of UCLA is the can do the translabial ultrasound to find it before they do the surgery. They also have doctors who remove hernia mesh at that same hospital but it has moved to your female parts you are still better off going to urology. I will send you Dr. Raz email to ask him a few questions. I know it costs a lot of money, every one of us has hardship by going out there, but we have no regrets when we have done it. I wish I could pull good clever doctors out of a magic hat, but I can

      Reply
  3. Wilma Walters

    Linda, I’m so glad I found your information! I am 74 years old and had a TVT-O put in 7 years ago. For several months now I have had pain in the pelvic area. It hurts when I bend over or squat down to pick something up off the floor–like something pulling in the bladder area.. I can’t sleep on my right side at all, and am rarely getting more than four hours’ sleep a night. Many other symptoms as well. Had a CT scan last week to see if the pain was coming from my digestive system, and that was negative. I’m sure it is from this stupid mesh implant. My surgeon insists that nothing is wrong. He told my husband when I got the surgery that it was very easy to remove. I’m so glad to hear about the UCLA doctors, as I would be able to travel that far. Thanks again for all of your very helpful information!

    Reply
  4. SUE TIERNEY

    Linda, love the poem! Thank you for all you do for all of us:)

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      Thank you Sue.

      Reply

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