The Lost Children of Mesh Mothers
I often used to think that life can deal such terrible and cruel blows and sets us on paths that seem never ending. However I never realized how bad things could get for some women until I began this blog. I always remind myself that things could always be worse and I am so much better off than many.
What happens when you are very young and through no fault of your own, a doctor puts a bladder sling into your body when he/she does a hysterectomy and you have no clue of the complications that can arise or the damage that can occur by an untrained and uncaring doctor? Many of the young women have faced this dilemma soon after the birth of their last child or when a child is very young. These children grow up in a home where the mother is always sick. Always in bed trying to get well enough just to spend an hour or two with their young children. However it is a downward spiral without the proper medical help and they continue to decline. Because of their extreme pain they continue to take strong pain meds that quickly stop working. Then they need more meds in the hopes they can spend a pain free hour with their child.
Many of these young women are at the mercy of their State Medical services and if they are poor they are often refused the help they truly need. They are looked upon as lost souls. Ignored by the facilities and the people who are supposed to help them and their children. All it takes is an angry family member and their children can be removed from their home. Then they are at the mercy of a judge and anyone working in legal aid who have no understanding whatsoever of women’s injuries due to bladder sling mesh. Their pleas are ignored and their children are lost in the system.
It was only two days after my own removal surgery at UCLA and I was still at the hotel recovering so that I could make the journey home, that my daughter checked my email. As always there was a stream of women who were grateful someone believed them. That they could at last decide on a plan of action IF they had insurance. Then there were the sad stories. My daughter had never read them before and she was reading to me and was answering what she could by my verbal instructions. As she read one, she realized how terrible this surgery could be from the point of view of a young mother. It was from one woman who I have stayed in contact with and she was terribly worried. An older grown son who had his own issues had turned her in to the authorities. He was angry at his mother for something unrelated and did it to lash out at her. Her fear was that she was about to have her three young children removed from her home because she was taking pain medication. She did not know what to do so she wrote to me. Fortunately the authorities did not remove her children and all ended well. However not all of these cases do.
Remember when I posted about a young woman whose bladder had been killed by the doctor who had put a sling in her after a hysterectomy? I will post the link in a moment. She was thirty-two years old and had a three year old child and her child was removed from her home very recently. Now she struggles every day, not just with terrible never ending pain but the heart ache she feels because of the loss of her son. I have spoken to this young woman many times and one of my wonderful helpers with medical training has made it a point to do whatever she can for this young women. Thank you Denise. You have been invaluable to this case. She tried hard to help this young woman by writing a letter to the judge explaining what had happened to her. She had hoped that her medical experience would sway the judge to return the child to it’s mother, even with supervision if he thought it necessary. Sadly the child is still not with his mother and she is devasted.
This is the blog. http://meshangels.com/2012/08/mesh-can-kill-your-bladder
To help this young woman I suggested she write in her own words what this felt like. Not just the killing of her bladder but the killing of her heart. She did and this is her poem.
I wrote this as a poem of agony when I returned home from court to have yet another devastating thing occur, due to a simple plastic device…. A bladder sling. My child was taken away from me. In my devastation I sat down to write how I felt. This is the poem. I hope one day my child as a man will read this and understand how helpless I felt as he was taken from my arms.
The Hunter and the Duck
Life is like the duck swimming on that summer pond in the sunshine trying hard to find fish so fine, but then there is a smell in the air of something foul and unfair. Then it takes to the air and flies so far with wings out to the sky and the wind finely blowing in it’s eye until the silence is disturbed by the bang of a gun. The serenity and peace are undone and down, down, down with a crash life changes. Happiness is gone in a flash. With breathing labored and thoughts unsavory, the bleeding body lies there upon the floor just like my heart. Here a raven whispers “never more”. Then fades. Slowly the light that was once so very beautiful and bright, upon water so calm and clear, now rushes with waves of terrifying fear. As light and life fade into darkness, finally the hunter comes into sight with never a thought of those it hurts in its mind. Only its prey he wishes to find. But yet there in that darkest hour in the reeds are two red eyes that glimmer like flowers.
Now that which hunts becomes the same in life’s sickening game. Some hope comes to that bird all alone in it’s dark world of sorrow and strife, same as I and so many others standing on that two edged knife. Not knowing which is sharper than the other or why has this been done to me by a doctor and my own brother. So here the bird and I ponder, laying here to wonder, knowing well with broken wing and heart, new life cannot be so easily start.
And that which once was, is now undone. In this battle for life and light where the space gets ever more tight, I am like that bleeding bird. My heart is upon the floor and neither of us will never again soar! Never will we be the same because we must play this game they call life. Until there is nothing left but darkest cry and a wonder to whether we shall ever fly again.
If you know any young women who is going through this, please be understanding and try to help her, not take away the one thing in life that keeps her holding on. Her children.