The Lost Children of Mesh Mothers

I often used to think that life can deal such terrible and cruel blows and sets us on paths that seem never ending.  However I never realized how bad things could get for some women until I began this blog.  I always remind myself that things could always be worse and I am so much better off than many.

What happens when you are very young and through no fault of your own, a doctor puts a bladder sling into your body when he/she does a hysterectomy and you have no clue of the complications that can arise or the damage that can occur by an untrained and uncaring doctor?  Many of the young women have faced this dilemma soon after the birth of their last child or when a child is very young.  These children grow up in a home where the mother is always sick.  Always in bed trying to get well enough just to spend an hour or two with their young children.  However it is a downward spiral without the proper medical help and they continue to decline.  Because of their extreme pain they continue to take strong pain meds that quickly stop working.  Then they need more meds in the hopes they can spend a pain free hour with their child. 

Many of these young women are at the mercy of their State Medical services and if they are poor they are often refused the help they truly need.   They are looked upon as lost souls.  Ignored by the facilities and the people who are supposed to help them and their children.  All it takes is an angry family member and their children can be removed from their home.  Then they are at the mercy of a judge and anyone working in legal aid who have no understanding whatsoever of women’s injuries due to bladder sling mesh.  Their pleas are ignored and their children are lost in the system.

It was only two days after my own removal surgery at UCLA and I was still at the hotel recovering so that I could make the journey home, that my daughter checked my email.  As always there was a stream of women who were grateful someone believed them.  That they could at last decide on a plan of action IF they had insurance.  Then there were the sad stories.  My daughter had never read them before and she was reading to me and was answering what she could by my verbal instructions.  As she read one, she realized how terrible this surgery could be from the point of view of a young mother. It was from one woman who I have stayed in contact with and she was terribly worried.  An older grown son who had his own issues had turned her in to the authorities.  He was angry at his mother for something unrelated and did it to lash out at her.  Her fear was that she was about to have her three young children removed from her home because she was taking pain medication.  She did not know what to do so she wrote to me.  Fortunately the authorities did not remove her children and all ended well.  However not all of these cases do.

Remember when I posted about a young woman whose bladder had been killed by the doctor who had put a sling in her after a hysterectomy?  I will post the link in a moment.  She was thirty-two years old and had a three year old child and her child was removed from her home very recently.  Now she struggles every day, not just with terrible never ending pain but the heart ache she feels because of the loss of her son.  I have spoken to this young woman many times and one of my wonderful helpers with medical training has made it a point to do whatever she can for this young women.  Thank you Denise.  You have been invaluable to this case.  She tried hard to help this young woman by writing a letter to the judge explaining what had happened to her.  She had hoped that her medical experience would sway the judge to return the child to it’s mother, even with supervision if he thought it necessary.  Sadly the child is still not with his mother and she is devasted.

This is the blog.  http://meshangels.com/2012/08/mesh-can-kill-your-bladder

To help this young woman I suggested she write in her own words what this felt like.  Not just the killing of her bladder but the killing of her heart.  She did and this is her poem.

I wrote this as a poem of agony when I returned home from court to have yet another devastating thing  occur, due to a simple plastic device…. A bladder sling.  My child was taken away from me.  In my devastation I sat down to write how I felt.  This is the poem.  I hope one day my child as a man will read this and understand how helpless I felt as he was taken from my arms.

                                                       The Hunter and the Duck

Life is like the duck swimming on that summer pond in the sunshine trying hard to find fish so fine, but then there is a smell in the air of something foul and unfair.  Then it takes to the air and flies so far with wings out to the sky and the wind finely blowing in it’s eye until the silence is disturbed by the bang of a gun.  The serenity and peace are undone and down, down, down with a crash life changes. Happiness is gone in a flash. With breathing labored and thoughts unsavory, the bleeding body lies there upon the floor just like my heart.  Here a raven whispers “never more”.  Then fades.  Slowly the light that was once so very beautiful and bright, upon water so calm and clear, now rushes with waves of terrifying fear.  As light and life fade into darkness, finally the hunter comes into sight with never a thought of those it hurts in its mind.  Only its prey he wishes to find.  But yet there in that darkest hour in the reeds are two red eyes that glimmer like flowers. 

Now that which hunts becomes the same in life’s sickening game. Some hope comes to that bird all alone in it’s dark world of sorrow and strife, same as I and so many others standing on that two edged knife.   Not knowing which is sharper than the other or why has this been done to me by a doctor and my own brother. So here the bird and I ponder, laying here to wonder, knowing well with broken wing and heart, new life cannot be so easily start.

And that which once was, is now undone.  In this battle for life and light where the space gets ever more tight, I am like that bleeding bird.  My heart is upon the floor and neither of us will never again soar! Never will we be the same because we must play this game they call life.   Until there is nothing left but darkest cry and a wonder to whether we shall ever fly again.

by Nadine

If you know any young women who is going through this, please be understanding and try to help her, not take away the one thing in life that keeps her holding on.  Her children.

4 Comments

  1. nadine

    My all i ha child my beautiful baby son was all i had left and still he is gone and court we face again oebuary 15th right after Valentines day which means now I have not only missed Holloween,, Christmas with him and new years but yet another holiday. I have made many mistakes in life that I can and will admit but one I never made was not taking good and better care of him than anyone he has been with. I am his mother and now have visits when they decided to show on time. Last Friday I got only 20 minutes with him not enough time at all and had to comfort him because he cried so hard not understanding why he could not come with mommy. I had to sit in my car for 2 hours crying because I could not drive like that and that now has become my life with a baby i bore in my belly for ten and a half months breast feed nine months and had to have stiches to keep him inside me. I have given him all and never bought myself anything the entire time of his life and while he wore new clothes and still does i wear close i was pregnant in and ones with holes and now my body dies bit by bit due to the mesh remaining in it and not anything i can do for this but the tiny hope and glimmer in my heart to see him for the hour a week i was promised but sometimes never happens and each time he walks out that door at that Mc Donalds it gets hard for him and me and he cries more and more and so do i thinking at times it be better for him to not see me for him to live life happy till the court gives him back but I must see him and he me and the knowladge that he loves me and knowing he wants to come home keeps me going but my body does the bad part and wants to stop working but still i hold him i pick him up and i climb through tunnels with him hurtting so badly inside but i do not care he is my baby my precious gift and all i am proud of in this world and nothing will stop me from caring for him loving him and spending what i have left with him once he is returned if that happens before my body dies. These are my rivers of tears my despair and what wakes me with pain in my body and heart each night and i cry to sleep if sleep comes with all his animals in my bed and his pictures everywhere for i love him more than life itself and the suffering of mesh has taken him from me along with a few other minor issues but he is gone and i suffer this alone and without the only joy i had to remind me of my life.

    Reply
  2. a meshed up nurse

    Take heart young mother, that the court will see that the best thing for him and you is to reunite you again. Praying for this to happen soon… Until then, keep doing what you need to do to right this wrong…. And hang in there, moment by moment, if necessary… And you will have him in your arms again.

    Reply
  3. lala

    I am experiencing the same problem and never knew why I had this pain until after several MRI’s I had excruciatiang pain burning and pulling it felt like my insides were frying and my stomach was on fire. Well I was just informed by the Dr’s it was the mesh. I had no idea I was only four or five yrs. old when I had this surgery foran umbilical hernia. Also I always informed them I had surgery but I had no knowledge that mesh was used. And when I the Dr’s and other medical staff of the pain they looked at me like I was crazy and stated you don’t have pain with an MRI and even suggested that it was all in my head which i wasn’t afraid of being in the macines I knew what I felt and it was not in my head. So now I have to have test . Glad I found this website and know that I’m not alone.

    Reply
    1. lavalinda

      There are doctors at UCLA that specialize in hernia mesh removal. I don’t know much about them, but you can bet those doctors do their very best to help. UCLA is world renowned for their continuing research.

      Reply

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