Mesh & Men’s Anger
I really do wish I could reach out to the men who care for women through mesh complications and surgery and let them know more often that they do deserve to be acknowledged. I know they are in pain themselves. The pain of losing the vibrant women they fell in love with to a woman who is now ill all the time and is often moody because of extreme pain. They struggle working all the time to keep their livelihood and they have to work long hours and pay non-stop medical bills without end. Then they go home to help children do homework, clean the house, cook the meals often without hugs and no sex at all. Yes, they deserve to be acknowledged. They deserve to hear “it will all end when this mesh stuff is removed from her body”, but no one can promise that.
I received a comment from a man who is feeling the drain on his life and is getting very tired. He is angry and wants a guarantee that all his money and his hard work will be for something when his wife has mesh removal within a couple of weeks. You can read his comment here and feel his sadness and anger but before you read it remember he lost everything he knew was right in his world. Now it has been ripped apart. I posted a reply and I asked a couple of women to respond with a positive comment because I knew how grateful they are to have the mesh removed from their bodies. If you are doing well from removal surgery by Dr. Raz and want to send him a big hug, please go there and let him know some of us without terrible nerve damage are doing well. I wish I could tell him that I am that woman, but I did explain why my situation is ongoing. I am one of the unlucky ones but many women do get well. Reads those comments here.
I also replied again telling him we need men like him to fight this battle. We need men who are not afraid to use their names and speak out about what has happened to their lives. Financial losses. Home life deterioration. The loss of the love of their life. Children who still need caring for. We need men on the battle field to stand up and say this has happened. Yes, they can be angry, but like us we have to find a way to deal with that anger. So some of us stand up and tell the world this is a nightmare of living hell. If you are a man reading this and you wish to write your story from a man’s point of view either using your name or anonymously, I will post it for you. Your story matters just as much as the women who are injured. You did not deserve this any more than the women who are suffering.
Please if you do write, write on calm days. Write about a day in your life dealing with the suffering you see in your love and how you cope. You do matter. I am grateful men still follow along with the vows they speak on the day they married.
I met three of these men when I went out to UCLA for my removal surgery. Steadfast husbands who you could see loved their wives dearly but they had to hide their tears so that someone remained strong for their women. I thought about my own husband who died in 2004. He would have been such a man had he lived long enough to watch me deal with my pain.
So to ALL the men out there who work hard every day and then come home to wives and children to care for, I say “Thank you”. We need far more men like you in this world and even though I may not know you, I appreciate who you are.
I posted a very moving blog written by a young woman who found such a man after she was injured by mesh. I sent her a link to the blog which follows this one.
Here is her reply.
“My husband and I met a month before everything got really bad. One of our first few dates ended up in the hospital. I thought for sure that he would leave. Instead he held my hand through the curtain while doctors forced the catheter in… He is amazing. When a man says in sickness and in health at the alter in his vows, knowing that sickness is here and now. It is a true testimony of his love. And he accepted my oldest daughter as his own too.”