Mesh Countdown to My Own Surgery
A few women have shared with me how hard the month before surgery waiting time is and I want to share my own feelings with you so that you understand what you feel and think about it is normal for all of us. I now have three weeks to go.
One woman told me that her anger went up and down because once again she was going to have yet another surgery. Although she was living with pain, it had become the ‘known’ quality of her life for a long time. She had already underwent a partial removal by a different doctor, which did nothing but gave her pain and more anger, so as her daily countdown before having mesh removal by Dr. Raz, her life was all about her anger. She was afraid that having surgery once again would leave her in pain and full of lost hopes. Now I can give you her outcome. Her life has changed for the better. Not perfect nor will it ever be again. Mesh removal will always leave us with some problems and possibly nerve damage, but keeping it in us, will create more and our lives will be lost. She told me that the first two weeks were the worse and then slowly she began to experience a better life. She finished by saying to me, give yourself time to heal. Therefore I pass this message on to you.
Another woman shared with me her uncontrollable fear. She had been through more than one partial removal and was afraid she could not be saved. Her life had been a misery for so long, mostly bedridden while the rest of the world passed her by. Living on pain killers dulled her pain for a short while after taking them, but it never lasted for long. Therefore her life ebbed away without any hope. Then she found my blog. Her removal was more difficult because mesh had been layered in several places. But she said Dr. Raz was her last hope. She put her trust in him and underwent a surgery that took longer than most because of her long term complications and multi mesh. She stayed in I.C.U a few days for recovery and fortunately had a family member in California when she spent a few weeks recuperating, before she flew home. Her extreme agonizing pain was gone. She began slowly forming a new life where she could live without pain killers and resume tasks that were not too arduous. It will take her a long time to heal but she now has hope.
Dr. Raz at UCLA has saved a few women that even I was not sure was possible. No, not he nor UCLA do not pay me to say any of this. The women had been given up on. Doctors did not care about their debilitating condition and there was no hope for a future. I am sure this quiet man would not consider himself an angel of hope but to many women he is.
One month before you fly or travel for surgery at UCLA you will have to get your own doctor to run a few tests to make sure you are well enough for surgery. Don’t panic. Unless there is terrible fear that you will have a heart attack and die during surgery, Dr. Raz has informed many doctors that he will take great care of their patients during surgery, even though many of their tests were somewhat of concern to their doctors. This is because he has seen some of the worse cases ever and knows it is these women’s last hope of living, let alone a better life.
Be aware that you may not be able to concentrate on anything big. This has been happening to me. My mind wanders. I worry about falling and screwing up my surgery date and not be able to go through with it, then waiting for months to get back in line. Let alone losing the money for flying out there. This is because I have nerve issues in my right side and in October 2010, six months after I had the sling put in me, I fell. The nerve in my leg kept giving way at the oddest of times with a sharp pain. I cracked two wrist bones and spent weeks in a cast. Then I realized I had to do something to stay safe, so I bought a walking stick. Good thing I did because there are times I need it just to get up from a chair.
Logically in my mind I know worrying is pointless and stupid, but it is also human nature. So I switch. I try to do something creative. Or watch a funny movie. Anything to stop the worry and switch my brain to something easy on my mind. To give you an idea of the silliness of my worries. When I noticed a call had come in from the doctor who did my tests, but there was no message, I panicked. I had gone to lay down because of groin pain today and had missed it. I knew this doctor had told me by blood pressure was good and I was in remarkable health for all I had and still am going through, so I should not have worried about this call, but I did. I later found out it was a call to ensure I was satisfied with the service I had received. Then I felt relieved but really silly.
So don’t worry if you go through enormous highs and lows both before and after surgery. Don’t worry if it is crying fits. Understand that you are normal in your fears and your anger. I hope by choosing the right surgeon my life will eventually get better. I also hope the future will be better for you and for me.