A Night in a Life with Mesh
If I were to paint a picture of my body right now, it would be fractured. My pelvis, thigh, hip and leg would be ripped apart, held only by hardened medical mesh. That’s what living with this product in your body feels like.
Last night around nine pm I carefully and painfully stood up. It was then that a muscle spasm hit my thigh like a tsunami. A pain so forceful I cried out. I steadied myself for the inevitable thunder and lightening bolt of pain that would take hours to subside. As I slowly stood up, I knew I had to go to the bathroom. Since the sling surgery I have no warning sign that I need to go. When I stand I know it is coming and I have to get there. In pain I slowly made my way to my own bathroom where the toilet is higher. It helps me stand up and sit down and not have so much pressure on my right leg. Pressure that can make me have more pain.
As embarrassing as this is, I didn’t make it all the way, so while suffering with pain I had to clean myself up. So much for a small incontinence problem before surgery after a sneeze or cough. I should be embarrassed to write this and share it with the world, but it is the only way to share with other women what can happen to you because of this surgery and to explain that nothing is worth this. It doesn’t fix problems, it creates them.
I knew that I had to take ibuprofen as soon as possible with a hot drink. It would take time, but from past experience I knew the thunder bolt of pain that remained, would not subside if I didn’t. I carefully and very slowly made my way to the kitchen. Hot tea and pills in hand I slowly walked to the living room hanging onto my walking stick to try to take the pressure off my right leg. I sat on the couch trying not to think about the pain by watching a show I liked. It didn’t work. After an hour I made my way to the bedroom to lay under the electric blanket to see if the warmth would help. My body was shaking with pain. I wanted to vomit. After an hour, I couldn’t lay there any more so I went back to the living room and tried another show.
I was tired and worn out and my mind was pain filled. My daughter is in the house and she was asleep. Part of me wanted company because I wanted a distraction. The other part did not want her sitting with me worrying, knowing that she couldn’t do anything. The hours went by slowly. I finally went back to bed at three in the morning and fell asleep.
I awoke again at seven thirty only to know I had to go to the bathroom. The muscle spasm pain was calm and I dreaded standing up on my leg. Nothing for it I had to do it. I walked very slowly trying not to put pressure on right leg because I feared another severe spasm. Luckily, two hours later it hasn’t happened. I am left with my pelvis feeling like I have been kicked and my usual daily leg pain. You get used to it. It all in my daily life living with medical mesh in my body. Life is not a barrel of laughs.
After reading this you may feel sorry for me. Please don’t. I am one of the lucky ones. At least I CAN pee. I went through hell to get there, nine weeks of a catheter after sling surgery. A second surgery to ‘cut’ the tape and weeks of self cath and agonizing bladder spasms, but I managed to get this bodily function back again. Other women aren’t as lucky. Until recently I had never heard of a lifetime prescription for catheters to self cath. I heard from a woman who has lived this way for seven years. All because of a of a product called medical mesh. I write this for her and the others who suffer far more than I do. They can’t write their feelings down. They just live with it.
Hopefully all will go well and after I am on Medicare later this year, this product will be gone from my body. I won’t feel like my thigh is being strangled. I won’t feel the knife point stabs into my groin. I will be able to live again, pain free. If you are reading this and are contemplating this surgery, I hope you change your mind. Your life is far too precious.